Monday, March 24, 2008

To Leave or Not to Leave...

Relationships are complicated. No disagreements there right? Well sometimes I feel as though mine is more complicated than neccesary. And for that reason (without delving into the unneccesary details of it all) early Saturday morning I made the decision to break up with my boyfriend. I believed it was the right thing for both of us. Love and emotional attachment aside, I've always had an incling that we weren't PERFECT for each other. Great together but not perfect for one another.

When you are 19, 20, and 21 it's far easier to sever ties because there are no strings attached. If I liked Jay Z and he liked Nas, he had to go plain and simple. But at this point in my life it's harder to be certain what is worth fighting for. It becomes "well just don't play Nas when I'm in the car". When you've been together for several years, and have invested time, money, commitment, etc an end isn't supposed to be a rash decision. It should be in both parties' best interest and mutually agreed upon.

Very early in our bickering stage, we decided that ending our relationship is not something that should be done in anger during a disagreement. No "screw you, I'm out". And on Saturday morning, although it was amidst an argument it needed to be done. But as the day progressed I started to wonder if it was even necessary. There were no lies, no cheating, no deceptions. No gambling, drinking, or drug problems. Just a difference of opinion. Which led me to wonder what should end a relationship? I recently came across this article; After reading it, I was certain it wasn't time to move on just yet.

By Sunday afternoon, we'd talked things over and decided that it is still too soon to give up. Three years isn't enough to know whether or not a relationship can last thirty +. There are more hurdles, higher jumps, and more risks. And great together may not be perfect but nothing really is.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

"YOU don't understand"

I sat on the phone and listened to a single friend rant about the antics of mutual single friend. Over the past year or so this girl's behavior has crassly contradicted her desires. "I want a husband", "I want to settle down".... cut to her bent over gyrating in front a man she has never met before and may never see again. My question was "why is she acting like this if she wants to be in a relationship?". My friend's response? "YOU don't understand, you have someone".

OK, I will admit I have been out of the game for a little while, but it hasn't been long enough for the game to change. I have been in a committed relationship for three years, three... not thirty! And before I met him I wasn't bent over in front of random men when I went to the club. That's not to say that that sort of behavior would have prevented me from finding someone special. It just isn't very likely to make a significant connection when you're modeling your stripper moves.

Shortly after my conversation with this friend, I was directed to an article from the Washington Post about single African American women;

Dating is hard, period. But when you live in a place where the social circuit is tight knit it is even harder. Boston only has a handful of lounges, clubs, and concerts for the Urban audience. If you went out every week from Thursday to Sunday, you'd pretty much get to know all the regulars. So in a place like this, it isn't effective to be known for that sort of behavior. That just isn't conducive to the "I want to be committed" wholesome image she'd like to portray, if that is indeed what she wants. Isn't the saying "a lady in the street but a freak in the sheets"?

Monday, March 17, 2008

Isn't it too early for backpain??

I vaguely remember my grandmother mentioning this. Every so often she'd use her palm to clutch her lower back and mumble something about not sitting straight or sleeping funny. Confused I'd wonder what exactly sleeping "funny" is. I mean really, you fall asleep, you wake up. How can you do that wrong? 20 years later and I've had an "ah ha" moment. I woke up this morning sat up and put my hand on my back just like my gradmother did!

Not only am I amazed that I can say "20 years later" in reference to myself....but I actually have the backpain she complained about! Now the confusion lies in the fact that I am barely 30. Isn't it a little too soon for the "these old bones" ramblings? I thought this was my prime?