Not Enough Time

With Christmas nearing it is time for all the last minute shoppers to rustle up all the tokens of love that are leftover from mall sales. Me? I finished my shopping weeks ago: I have a few accessories to pick up here and there but the bulk of my shopping is done.

KB? Lord, give me strength. He has made several failed attempts to go shopping. Is he putting forth a genuine effort?.. probably not. But he does have four days left, so I will save my unkind words til the 26th.

Today, under the stress of a fast approaching deadline, he revealed that his intent was to go to his friend's family jewelry store and buy me the diamond stud earrings I have been fixated on for the past two years. But intent and $0.99 can buy me a jr cheeseburger deluxe at Wendy's.

Wait. I said I was saving the unkind words. But fo' real y'all, I just don't get it. Male lurkers...eh ehem readers...please explain this to me. You have the entire month of December to visit this store. You know what you want to get. Why is it so hard?

I have never dated a man that was so clueless when it comes to gift giving. I am trying to be objective but I don't get it. Here I am making an effort to be more affectionate, to perform more acts of service. I am not really feeling the reciprocation, though.



***3:00 am update. As an insomniac I am usually up at this time. Today when I woke up and headed to the living room to watch tv, I found KB sitting at the computer. He switched the screens and steered me toward the couch, instantaneously. My thought? It's either porn or gifts, lol. Turned out to be gifts.

I guess the moral of the story is, I cannot expect anyone else to operate the way I do. Just because my Christmas shopping was done before November ended doesn't mean everyone else's was or even should have been.

Do I think he'll come through? Honestly? Hmph, I plead the fifth. But I will acknowledge that he is trying. And I am definitely not mad at the gift he has his sights on!

Slow and Steady

Per the request of Running Mom and Ms. S here are a few updates with regard to The Experiment. Which has been in effect 9 days;

1. We went out to eat. Virtually unheard of since our first year together.
2. I woke up yesterday morning to find the entire kitchen and living room spit shined, polished, and showroom ready. The man cleaned!
3. I am hearing "thank you" more frequently (though to be completely honest it sounds rehearsed)

Though this is not a drastic improvement I would definitely say we are on the right track. As always, stay tuned.

**Admin note: I was sorting (read NOT snooping) the laundry and found a picture of the Coach purse I want printed directly off of Coach's website. Which would explain his being so adamant about going to the mall alone. I may actually be getting what I want for Christmas. MAY being the operative word.

Progress is a slow process

and patience is a virtue.

To night I got a little bit of that old romance back. Those butterflies I had early days when I literally thought KB was my Prince Charming. I felt them.

The most insignificant thing will invoke that in a woman. Guys need to know that.

We went to Applebees. Now I did say insignificant, did I not? Well Ms. S. knows more than anybody else but I have been dying for KB to take me. We usually eat cooked meals, leftovers, etc. He isn't into eating out, doesn't trust restaurants, needs to see who is cooking his food, and a laundry list of other excuses.

But I wanna go to Applebees! They have that $20 deal going on and I have been fascinated by the idea of an appetizer AND two entrees for $20. In this economy?! So I watch the commercial like a 3 year old admires the newest Tickle Me Elmo....just hoping that one day we will go.

Well tonight after work, we changed into our sweats and headed on down to our neighborhood Applebee's (did I mention it is literally on my street?).

I had the best time I have had with him in months. MONTHS! I laughed so hard I had a cramp in my side. For the life of me I cannot remember what the hell was so funny! But we laughed!... Together! And not at a tv show or movie! We laughed with each other.

Talk about a breakthrough!

The First Hurdle

Remember when Sisqo went solo (I swear I am going somewhere with this)? He had a song called Is Love Enough? And even though it has only been 24 full hours since I committed to trying to love KB better, I find myself wondering is love enough? Is it?

I know y'all are like "Dang, this heffa gave up already?!" Well, no I haven't given up per se...I am just trying to be emotionally aware of the affect this commitment will have on me. I've been making a conscience effort to try to be more like Beyonce 'n dem, in Cater 2 U. The mannerisms and behaviors of a catering woman are not inherent in me. These are learned behaviors.

IN learning, I've been very introspective. So when I notice that I have to make a conscious effort to smile while I serve his dinner or iron his clothes, it's a red flag.

Maybe it is my need for instant gratification. There needs to see some level of sincere gratitude. I understand completely that having a "traditional" woman is desired; a man wants the kind of wife who serves him his dinner on a piping hot plate, clears the dishes, lights a candle, and then rocks his world. I get that. Hell I might even date a woman, if I could have that!

But let it be known that we (myself and 95% of the women I know) are not like that. We work just as hard, and need just as much respect. So when I am making a significant effort to be more representative of that image, I deserve a thank you. I deserve a rose every once in a while. I deserve reciprocity. And I do not think I can wait however long it will take for him to acknowledge that I am doing what does not come naturally to me, to make him happy. I am not going to get that if he is viewing it has me "finally" coming to terms with the role I am supposed to take as the woman of the house.

I can't give up, though. Once I give up on trying, I give up completely. I already had one foot out the door and if THIS doesn't work, the other will soon follow. More than anything, I want to see if this change will make a difference. I just don't want to get to the finish line and have done all that I can, and get absolutely nothing in return.

The Experiment

I read The Five Love Languages in about three days. It was really a common sense look at why KB and I don't see eye to eye. The things I am looking for a symbol of love are not on his radar, and vice versa. It really is that simple. So many of the things said in our big fights were indicators but nothing made it as plain as Gary Chapman.

The most important lesson learned was that the emotionally high of being "in love" only lasts for so long. After that it is about making a choice to do the things that express love in your partner's eyes. Not in your own. Me buying KB all the gifts in the world is not going to show him I love him in the way that making him breakfast would.

In light of this ah ha moment, I have conjured a plan. Twice a day for the next 24 days, I am going to speak to KB in his primary and secondary love languages. If all goes well, he in turn, will be so overcome with love that he will buy me a wonderfully splendid Christmas gift (which would technically be him speaking to me in my primary love language). And the holidays will indeed be happy!

Stay tuned!