Say Goodbye to Peter Pan

At 28, I have been out of college and working full time for four years. I have had three jobs in that four years and not once had I taken the initiative to plan for my future. I've always focused on the bills I need to pay now, the vacations I want to go on, the shoes that would be cute with the dress I have my eye on. Each obligation more pressing than the money I would need 40 years from now.

I was often nagged by a little birdie; a co-worker who was opening hers, a friend in finance...but I always had my reasons. Not even the fact that I work in Human Resources, where the opportunity presents itself everyday, was good enough reason.

Last week my reasons lost their relevance. The soles on the shoes become worn, the dress is rarely as pretty as it is on the mannequin, the vacations eventually become pictures on a Facebook album and the memories fade. The bills....the bills never quite go away but retirement age? It draws nearer by the day. And as each day passes, I lose an opportunity to save.

Friday I sat down with the retirement consultant at work. Together we laid the excuses to rest; I set up a 403B. As we talked over next steps and plan options she said something very important.

"It's time to grow up. Say goodbye to Peter Pan."

That statement instantly struck a cord in me. Those few words made what I was doing clear as day; saying goodbye to the idea that I would be young forever.

Happiness Runs in a Circular Motion

May the smiles of many friends dance in your heart

Did you know that the happiness of those around you is contagious? A recent study suggests that simply surrounding yourself by positive energy will ultimately inflate your own happiness. It is virtually an emotional virus.

To piggyback off of Friday's post; I've been thinking about happiness and contentment for a few weeks. I don't think it would be far-fetched at all to assume that it is an emotion we are all in pursuit of. An ideal. If there is anything you could do to achieve that you would certainly do so. So take a fair assessment; are the people in your immediate circle happy?

I realize that there are more than enough melancholy friends in mine. People I talk to on a daily basis that don't really have very much good news to share. I will absolutely include myself in that, because I know I am guilty of ranting. Going forth, I will have to make it a point to spend more time with happier people. Smile for no reason at all. And say hello to the friends of friends who always have a smile on their face. And maybe my new found glee will, in turn, rub off on the discontented few.

Happy Thanksgiving

to all my readers!

Today is a day that we can look back at 2008 and just be grateful for what we do have. If on no other day, TODAY, we can give thanks for what we have achieved, and rejoice in all there is to look forward to.

Let's put things into perspective. One of my favorite gospel songs says;
I've had some good days
I've had some hills to climb
I've had some weary days
And some sleepless nights
But when I look around
And I think things over
All of my good days
Out-weigh my bad days
I won't complain

My wish for you all is that on this day, in spite of everything your good days out weigh you bad. Happy Holidays readers, my gift to you is John Legend singing that very song! Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Love ya!

Yes We Can

I give credit to any writer who can formulate the words that describe how monumental today is. I have been searching for the right ones since last night (and I am rarely speechless).

Throughout this campaign I have heard "Yes We Can" so many times; and tiny voice deep down in my spirit that asked the question "Can we?" in response. I didn't believe it with a whole heart.

I hadn't ever dreamed that big, aspired that far. But he did.

I remember being in elementary school and getting that ruler. Remember? The one that had all the presidents on it? I'd look at it every time I used it, and not once did it occur to me that any other face could join the elite group. Never even crossed my mind. But he thought about it.

I remember the jokes about Bill Clinton being the first black president. I thought he'd be the only. But he didn't.

For him possibilities were endless, because he never set boundaries as to how far he could go. There was no finish line in his eyes. That is what made the difference. That is how he earned the title, President Elect Barack Obama.

Now every single minority in America can dream a little bigger. Strive a little further. It's almost like being given a key to a door that has been locked for hundreds of years, an age old secret revealed, a missing puzzle piece. It is all of that- and more- encompassed by three simple words. Yes. We. Can.

Everybody Has a Story

I watched an Oprah episode years ago that still resonates with my heart. It was about the assumptions we make about people and how we are often wrong in our prejudgment. Everyone one has a story; you can not judge a book by it's cover because you will almost always be wrong about its content.

Though the episode was enlightening, being human I still make that mistake. I say things like "That's just [insert name of friend whose behavior is typical of them] and never second guess what causes them to be that way. But everytime the true reveals itself, my heart sinks and I am reminded that this person I dismissed is the way he/she is for a real reason.

I have a friend who has always been eccentric. We've always loved this person for their quirks but would dismiss their behavior as though it was in their nature. Recently, I found out it is deeper than that; this behavior is more biological than characteristic. I have been grieving for a few days now, because I am guilt-ridden. For everytime I laughed at a joke that poked fun, for everytime I shook my head, rolled my eyes, or sighed, for everytime I was impatient; I am deeply sorry. I am even a bit ashamed.

It all makes sense now. And, ironically, it shouldn't have to. Learning that someone has a troubled past or a mental disorder does not excuse YOUR behavior. Whether or not that detail was disclosed, that person should not have been mistreated in the first place. As a person, one should accept and love others without regard to perception.

I thought I learned a lot from the episode of Oprah. Maybe I did not learn enough.

Those of you who know me, know that I am always trying to make ME better. That is essentially what this blog is about. I truly believe my 20's have been about shaping me for the rest of my life; deciding who I am am, who I want to be, and where I want to go.

I attended a graduation today and although it was one of the smallest ceremonies I have ever attended, I heard one of the most profound pieces of advice I've ever heard. Simple and concise, the professors words are still with me 5 hours after the speech concluded.

"make mistakes but make them once"

Simple right? But think about it...growing up is making mistakes, it is trial and error. It is what you have done that makes you who you are. So it isn't about perfection, it's about learning from your mistakes. The only way to truly learn from them is to be sure that you are not habitually repeating them.

Readers, go forth make mistakes! Fall down. Dust yourself off; as long as you are just a bit more careful about recreating that same hurt every bruise is worth it.

City of Champions

Every single Bostonian blogger who is beaming as they write today's entry.

It's funny, as you get older winning means so much more than "I'm better than you". The road to triumph is now more meaningful than the trophy. This is a team that went from a 24-58 season to NBA Championship in one year.

ONE

This win is about resilience, determination, and will. That trophy symbolizes the ability to dust yourself off and try again. They've earned every ounce of their glory. When you see the look of indescribable pride in their eyes as they are asked to verbalize their feelings... it tugs at your own heart.

The team's victory resonates with me. It's made me accept that last year WAS hard but this year can be so much better. Change a few key players, play amongst the best, learn from past mistakes, train a little harder. Evolve. Grow. Be.

This is the City of Champions. It's become the place where any victory is attainable. Perfect place to call home. Perfect place to learn to be the best YOU.

The Key to the Corner Office

Since getting my promotion at work I have been curiously observing the behavior of my replacement. It is evident that he is a goal oriented, DRIVEN man. He has his eye on the corner office and the key will soon be in his hand.

After four months of working here, he has gotten a promotion. Granted, that is not a surprise since I have too (which is the reason he started here in the first place). However, his is a significantly bigger promotion. While, I was moved up within the the same title. He has gone from Coordinator to Analyst...completely changing the scope of his work.

Why?

Relatability; I have watched him interact with the key players, the VPs and Managers. He can seamlessly contribute to any conversation and is not hestitant about joining a conversation with them.

Desire to Learn; Utter a complaint about a task and he is right there offering support and/or trying to learn what it is you are doing. "I can help you out with it, if you show me how to do it." Soon enough that is another skill is under his belt

Friendliness; He isn't just chummy with the VPs and Managers, he yucks it up with the entire staff. He willingly engages in conversations about their personal lives.

Dependability; He is here early every morning and leaves just after 5 every evening. Although we are not salaried, overtime is NOT an option. Essentially, he is not being compensated for the extra time.

I have often wondered why none of the female Coordinators are such sharks. We are all polite, demur, dependable, and approachable. But we are not the "go-getter" I see in him.

Ladies, if you have your eye on the corner office, I urge you to be more like him. I guarantee it will get you far. To read more about taking charge of your career, read The Cheat Sheet for Woman by Kate White.

The Company You Keep (excerpt from a forwarded email)

I try not to flood the inboxes of my friends with the dreaded "forward". No one seems to favor these. Today, when I opened my inbox I made the same dreaded face you would have made if I'd sent this along. But after reading it, I realized it was something I would like to share and decided to post it.....enjoy

The Company You Keep

• "It is better to be alone than in the wrong company".


• "Tell me who your best friends are, and I will tell you who you are".


• "If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights".


• "A mirror reflects a mans face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses".

The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate for the good and the bad. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people.

As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you.

Consider This: Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how. Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere. With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it.

Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life.

Bringing Home the Bacon

“I didn’t think I’d have to serve the bacon and clean the pan, too.”
- M.P. DUNLEAVEY

The new role of the female http://www.workitmom.com/blog/2008/03/19/breadwinner-moms-do-you-have-breadwinner-resentment/

Training Wheels

Security isn't something I can say that I've always had. Growing up I think the only time I felt truly safe was in my grandma's arms late at night. I distinctly remember being curled up in her bed, engulfed in her arms, forcing Grandpa to sleep way on the other side...I was always warm, always safe. It's funny because I still look for that feeling. At night I find myself curled up in my KB's arms, amazed by how loved I feel all over again.

Feeling secure, reassured, and safe is almost indescribable. The only experience I can remember being remotely close is riding on training wheels.

Think of how confident you were when you hopped on your bike and took off...always knowing they were beneath your legs holding you up. Do you remember the day that security was threatened? The day your parents (or older siblings) said "we should take off those training wheels, I think your ready" how did you react?

I read an article in which the author suggests that the way you handled that experience may be related to how you hand most changes; particularly in times when your security is at risk.

Personally, I remember being TERRIFIED to ride without them. And in a lot of ways I am just as terrified of change. I've never transitioned well; middle school to high school, high school to college, single to dating, dating to single, independence to co-habitation. The jog down memory lane alone has my palms sweaty again!

I am at a place where I feel like the kid who had to transition by taking them off one wheel at a time. I know what's coming (marriage, mortgages, parenting) is best for me, and I also know that it's necessary for my own evolution as a woman. Yet, I feel like I want to hold on to what I had just a little longer. Just in case it doesn't go as planned; in case I need to revert back to that other means of support.

And maybe my boyfriend is the enabler. Unknowingly KB fills my ears with "one day", and "as soon as"...making the goal seem attainable without any insight as to how I'll reach it. He's willing to be my security but -like the mother in the story- he is careful not to get involved and watches from the sidelines. Unfortunately, I need KB to be more like Dad, running along side me and encouraging me every step of the way. During the day, when I am trying to figure out how I'll get there, I need the same reassuring feeling I have when I lay in his embrace at night.

I think I'm ready to take my training wheels off...I only hope he's ready to show me that I don't need them.

We Gon' Make It

I recently had a discussion with an african american friend of mine who grew up in the suburbs, she was having a hard time understanding the "make it out of the hood" mentality in young african americans.

Her thoughts:
"My disconnect is that I don't relate to the "gotta be someone" angry/driven black woman syndrome. I've never had it. I feel pressured to represent brown people well, but I didn't grow up with people urging me on to finish college, be a professional, etc. It was just a given."

I thought about my own experience. While my father is the only family member who tried to instill the importance of education in me, there was always a school official who said "you're so smart", "you can do anything", "stay in school" and the like. For so many others, it is a teacher, a coach, or another outside influence that helped them turn around...who led them to the "I know I can" mentality. "Without my (fill in the blank) I would not be where I am today" is the beginning of just about every Valedictorian speech

http://www.act.org/news/releases/2003/1-21-03.html

Why are we relying on others to tell us to do, what for some is a right of passage? Why do urban youth need constant coaxing and reassurance while their suburban counterparts rarely give it much second thought?