Asleep at the Wheel???

As the day trickles to an end I figured I'd visit my go to spot for a good laugh. Everybody needs a good chuckle on a Monday right? This is one of my favorite blogs because it confirms that the residents of Boston are indeed one of a kind. The Boston Police Department has a blog that updates visitors on some of the more peculiar offenses that have taken place in the city. At the risk of public embarrassment, I had to share with my readers, the ridiculousness my fellow Bostonians get themselves into.

With this one I found myself at a loss for words (Yes KB, we know, me with nothing to say is nothing short of phenomenal)

Asleep on the Job

This morning around 1:25AM, officers from District A-1 (Downtown) were on patrol in the area of 75 West School St. in Charlestown when they went around the back of the building. There, officers observed a man sleeping in the driver’s seat.

Officers checked the registration of the car and that checked revealed the car was stolen in the South End on 12/13/08. Officers woke up the sleeping suspect and placed him under arrest. During an inventory check of the car, offices recovered jacket with a plastic bag with several pieces of jewelry in a plastic bag with price tags along with a cell phone. When asked about the jacket, the suspect denied ownership of the jacket, however officers found pictures of the suspect in the cell phone. The suspect was arrested and charged with Receiving a Stolen Motor Vehicle, and Receiving Stolen Property.

Now see, I told you. No words.

Friday Fuck You- The First (and sometimes lasting) Impression

Ms. S and I have been discussing the roles male friends play in our lives. While we both agree that these friendships are solid and genuine, I feel as though my friendships with will forever be tainted by the first impression of me.

Of my three closest male friends (one of which I refer to as my brother) two of them came into my life trying to get into my pants. They got to know me for who I am, through being politely rejected. The third, was a little more subtle in his quest because I had no idea he even looked at me that way until we came back from hanging out one night. We were too intoxicated to dare drive anywhere so I crashed on the futon in his dorm.

***admin note: Before the story continues, I will reiterate that this was (and is to this day) one of my dearest friends. There were many sleepovers, many drunken nights, no fondling, no kissing, nothing. It was completely natural for me to spend the night in his room. And UNHEARD OF for him to expect any to come of it.

Imagine my surprise when he suggested that I join him in the bed? Miraculously the room stopped spinning, and suddenly I was sober as hell. I spoke without slurred speech when I replied "I am quite comfortable right here, THANK YOU. And if you do not stay waaay over there where you belong I will kick you in your neck." Yes, he too, was declined. Just not as politely.

The question remains, how did three of my bestest friends every get the impression that they, that WE, could have been anything more? Dare I ask, as Ms. S so boldly did? Seems silly, when I already know the answer. When the fellas met me, they saw a pretty face and curves, as do most men. They had scandalous thoughts, as do most men.

They didn't know me for me yet; even though we are as tight as Mariah Carey's clothes now...they weren't looking at me for anything resembling friendship back then. That's the reality of it.

Fuck You, first impressions. My body is a wonderland but your name isn't Alice.

Slow and Steady

Per the request of Running Mom and Ms. S here are a few updates with regard to The Experiment. Which has been in effect 9 days;

1. We went out to eat. Virtually unheard of since our first year together.
2. I woke up yesterday morning to find the entire kitchen and living room spit shined, polished, and showroom ready. The man cleaned!
3. I am hearing "thank you" more frequently (though to be completely honest it sounds rehearsed)

Though this is not a drastic improvement I would definitely say we are on the right track. As always, stay tuned.

**Admin note: I was sorting (read NOT snooping) the laundry and found a picture of the Coach purse I want printed directly off of Coach's website. Which would explain his being so adamant about going to the mall alone. I may actually be getting what I want for Christmas. MAY being the operative word.

Happiness Runs in a Circular Motion

May the smiles of many friends dance in your heart

Did you know that the happiness of those around you is contagious? A recent study suggests that simply surrounding yourself by positive energy will ultimately inflate your own happiness. It is virtually an emotional virus.

To piggyback off of Friday's post; I've been thinking about happiness and contentment for a few weeks. I don't think it would be far-fetched at all to assume that it is an emotion we are all in pursuit of. An ideal. If there is anything you could do to achieve that you would certainly do so. So take a fair assessment; are the people in your immediate circle happy?

I realize that there are more than enough melancholy friends in mine. People I talk to on a daily basis that don't really have very much good news to share. I will absolutely include myself in that, because I know I am guilty of ranting. Going forth, I will have to make it a point to spend more time with happier people. Smile for no reason at all. And say hello to the friends of friends who always have a smile on their face. And maybe my new found glee will, in turn, rub off on the discontented few.

Crackberry Anonymous

My name is Dorchester's Daughter and I am addicted to my Blackberry

(readers collectively say "Hi DD!)

It's been 4 days and you'd think it was surgically implanted to my hand. You know what?..now that I say that, may not be such a bad idea, lol. I am already that person who does not look at you when you are speaking because they are discussing while distracted.

All hell broke loose when I turned it on initially and there was already a Facebook application. Didn't even have to download it? This can't be right. You mean I don't have to sit in front of my computer ignore random friend requests? Let the annoyed say Amen!

Last night I went on http://www.tmobile.com/ and downloaded ringtones for KB and my mom*. Today I am going to grab Bejeweled** and Ms. Pacman. There are free applications and downloads on the Blackberry website.

During the work day she sits right beside the computer monitor. Just can't bear to put her in my purse. Dare I miss something?! Good Lord hold my hand...or take it out of my hand. Either way, cuz I just know this thing is gonna be trouble.

Somebody help me!

*Can I just tell you that the ringtone for my mom is hysterical. If any TMobile customer has any sort of anxiety at all about seeing their mom's name on the caller id, please download Katt Williams "your mother is calling".

**The game that damn near cost me my education in college. I don't even know how many classes I missed because I spent 4 and 5 hours straight trying to beat my own high score.

It's Just Like a Mini-mall

I'd begun this post trying to explain why this was initially so funny to me. I flustered with the right words. Nothing sounded witty enough, intellectual enough, ironic enough. No words could quite capture why I sat here and watched it 3 times over and over. I even came up with a few anecdotes about my relationship with the cousin who introduced it to me. But nothing I wrote captured the very essence of it's hilarity. Finally I realized, some things just don't need to be explained...

Friday Fuck You- Pessimism

By definition, pessimism is the tendency to see, anticipate, or emphasize only bad or undesirable outcomes, results, conditions, problems. Not to be confused with being realistic, pessimism is almost flu like. It starts in your head and pretty soon your whole body aches as a result. I've been feelin that ache these past couple days. I need to recoop and regroup!

There is nothing wrong with being a realist. I am and always will be...but at the same token I find myself walking that very fine line between the two. And lately it seems like I am spending more time on the pessimistic side of the field. All that is going to change!

Fuck You. Pessimism meet the emotional equivalent of Theraflu, Sudafed, and Nyquil. I am about to be over you.

Moving forward my new motto is...

Believe while others are doubting.
Plan while others are playing.
Study while others are sleeping.
Decide while others are delaying.
Prepare while others are daydreaming.
Begin while others are procrastinating.
Work while others are wishing.
Save while others are wasting.
Listen while others are talking.
Smile while others are frowning.
Commend while others are criticizing.
Persist while others are quitting.

Believe While Others-By William Arthur Ward

Progress is a slow process

and patience is a virtue.

To night I got a little bit of that old romance back. Those butterflies I had early days when I literally thought KB was my Prince Charming. I felt them.

The most insignificant thing will invoke that in a woman. Guys need to know that.

We went to Applebees. Now I did say insignificant, did I not? Well Ms. S. knows more than anybody else but I have been dying for KB to take me. We usually eat cooked meals, leftovers, etc. He isn't into eating out, doesn't trust restaurants, needs to see who is cooking his food, and a laundry list of other excuses.

But I wanna go to Applebees! They have that $20 deal going on and I have been fascinated by the idea of an appetizer AND two entrees for $20. In this economy?! So I watch the commercial like a 3 year old admires the newest Tickle Me Elmo....just hoping that one day we will go.

Well tonight after work, we changed into our sweats and headed on down to our neighborhood Applebee's (did I mention it is literally on my street?).

I had the best time I have had with him in months. MONTHS! I laughed so hard I had a cramp in my side. For the life of me I cannot remember what the hell was so funny! But we laughed!... Together! And not at a tv show or movie! We laughed with each other.

Talk about a breakthrough!

The First Hurdle

Remember when Sisqo went solo (I swear I am going somewhere with this)? He had a song called Is Love Enough? And even though it has only been 24 full hours since I committed to trying to love KB better, I find myself wondering is love enough? Is it?

I know y'all are like "Dang, this heffa gave up already?!" Well, no I haven't given up per se...I am just trying to be emotionally aware of the affect this commitment will have on me. I've been making a conscience effort to try to be more like Beyonce 'n dem, in Cater 2 U. The mannerisms and behaviors of a catering woman are not inherent in me. These are learned behaviors.

IN learning, I've been very introspective. So when I notice that I have to make a conscious effort to smile while I serve his dinner or iron his clothes, it's a red flag.

Maybe it is my need for instant gratification. There needs to see some level of sincere gratitude. I understand completely that having a "traditional" woman is desired; a man wants the kind of wife who serves him his dinner on a piping hot plate, clears the dishes, lights a candle, and then rocks his world. I get that. Hell I might even date a woman, if I could have that!

But let it be known that we (myself and 95% of the women I know) are not like that. We work just as hard, and need just as much respect. So when I am making a significant effort to be more representative of that image, I deserve a thank you. I deserve a rose every once in a while. I deserve reciprocity. And I do not think I can wait however long it will take for him to acknowledge that I am doing what does not come naturally to me, to make him happy. I am not going to get that if he is viewing it has me "finally" coming to terms with the role I am supposed to take as the woman of the house.

I can't give up, though. Once I give up on trying, I give up completely. I already had one foot out the door and if THIS doesn't work, the other will soon follow. More than anything, I want to see if this change will make a difference. I just don't want to get to the finish line and have done all that I can, and get absolutely nothing in return.

The Experiment

I read The Five Love Languages in about three days. It was really a common sense look at why KB and I don't see eye to eye. The things I am looking for a symbol of love are not on his radar, and vice versa. It really is that simple. So many of the things said in our big fights were indicators but nothing made it as plain as Gary Chapman.

The most important lesson learned was that the emotionally high of being "in love" only lasts for so long. After that it is about making a choice to do the things that express love in your partner's eyes. Not in your own. Me buying KB all the gifts in the world is not going to show him I love him in the way that making him breakfast would.

In light of this ah ha moment, I have conjured a plan. Twice a day for the next 24 days, I am going to speak to KB in his primary and secondary love languages. If all goes well, he in turn, will be so overcome with love that he will buy me a wonderfully splendid Christmas gift (which would technically be him speaking to me in my primary love language). And the holidays will indeed be happy!

Stay tuned!