The Friday Fuck You-revisted

I had to pull this segment off the shelf. Yesterday I lost, we lost, one of the most influential musicians of all time. Period. A global phenom, people all over the world are in mourning. THE WORLD is missing a man, crying for a man. Do you realize the magnitude of that statement?

Yet and still we have a handful of haters, who want to cut short our time to grieve by highlighting his faults. I do not care what you thought about his personal demons. I don't. I miss Michael, my heart hurts. And so does the hearts of millions of others. These people have no cause to throw salt in our open wounds.

They are the specific target audience to which I am screaming FUCK. YOU.

If you do not respect the man, respect the man's talent. Respect his influence on pop culture. What is Rihanna's wardrobe without the Michael Jackson influence, who do Usher, Justin Timberlake, NeYo, Omarion, Chris Brown and all your other pop favs model themselves after? Look how much it costs to sample his songs (IF you get clearance)!

I am infuriated all over again!

I can only remind myself that it is not about the haters, it's about Mike. Last night I dug through some old pics looking for one particular Headstart photo. The three year old me wearing overalls with a Michael Jackson button on each side. Yeah, he was even with me on picture day. I was a serious, SERIOUS, Michael Jackson head as a kid. Most people have pics of stars in their bedroom, my Michael Jackson poster hung in the kitchen! If I was in the kitchen, so was Mike.

His music is the soundtrack to my childhood. I cannot separate the words "Michael Jackson" from "childhood", to lose Michael is to lose that symbol of my first few years. I cried for my loss today, I cried for his family, and I cried for those who can't see past his pain to honor his legacy.

And even though I cried for the haters, once the tears fell, I was back to those two words. FUCK YOU.

The Scams Continue

Someone on the other side of the world has not heard that we are in a recession. I logged into my Dorchester's Daughter account to do some work on the website (www.dorchestersdaughter.com if you haven't had the opportunity to visit yet) and found an email. This doesn't happen too often so I was eager to find out what the readers had to say.

Lo and Behold-

DEAR FRIEND,

GREETING IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. I AM MRS.SOLANGE WAAIDI,A WIDOW TO LATE MIKA WAAIDI. I AM 50 YEARS OLD,I AM A NEW CHRISTIAN CONVERT, SUFFERING FROM LONG TIME CANCER OF THE BREAST,FROM ALL INDICATION MY CONDITIONS IS REALLY DETERIORATING AND IT IS QUITE OBVIOUS THAT I WON'T LIVE MORE THAN SIX MONTHS,ACCORDING TO MY DOCTORS,THIS IS BECAUSE THE CANCER STAGE HAS GOTTEN TO A VERY BAD STAGE. MY LATE HUSBAND WAS KILLED DURING THE COTE'D IVORE CIVIL WAR, AND DURING THE PERIOD OF OUR MARRIAGE WE COULD'NT PRODUCE ANY CHILD. MY LATE HUSBAND WAS VERY WEALTHY AND AFTER HIS DEATH, I INHERITED ALL HIS BUSINESS AND WEALTH.THE DOCTORS HAS ADVISED ME THAT I MAY NOT LIVE FOR MORE THAN SIX MONTHS;SO I NOW DECIDED TO DIVIDE THE PART OF THIS WEALTH, TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE CHRIST CHURCHS AROUND THE GLOBE. I SELECTED YOU AFTER VISITING THE INTERNET AND I PRAYED OVER IT.I AM WILLING TO DONATE THE SUM OF $5,000.000.00 U.S DOLLARS,TO THE LESS PRIVILEGED.PLEASE I WANT YOU TO NOTE THAT THIS FUND IS LYING IN AN INTERNATIONAL BANK.I HONESTLY PRAY THAT THIS MONEY,WHEN TRANSFERRED WILL BE USED FOR THE SAID PURPOSE;BECAUSE I HAVE COME TO FIND OUT THAT WEALTH ACQUISITION WITHOUT CHRIST IS VANITY. MAY THE GRACE OF OUR LORD JESUS THE LOVE OF GOD AND THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE HOLY SPRITE BE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,I AWAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY.

YOURS IN CHRIST,
MRS.SOLANGE WAAIDI.

Have they resorted to using the Lord's name in vein now? I cannot even begin to understand what kind of person sits at a computer and writes this stuff. And you have to be some kind of heathen to use the Lord so shamelessly.

But you know what? On the flip side, I cannot fathom the kind of poor sap that falls for it. If we are still falling for scam mails in this day and age, in THIS here recession, I am sorry but we deserve to get got. Dismissed!

I just found out that my father passed away. Not recently, he passed away on New Year's Eve. Yes, as you search your mental calender, you are realizing that is five months ago. And I found out today.

My brother and I have been living the life of fatherless adults for years now. We knew where to find him, as he knew where to find us. Yet no one sought a relationship. The last time we'd visited with him, it was because a friend of his told my mother my father had had a stroke.

Again we'd gotten the news very late, but when we were told we went straight to his apartment. It had been over a year since the stroke but the damage was evident. We watched as he tried to spoon feed himself chocolate cake; his hand shaking like Ali when he carried the Olympic Torch. I decided then, that I didn't want to see him like that again. The father I remember was strong, warm, and loving. The one I saw that day, years ago, couldn't even speak a coherent sentence.

Was I wrong for wanting to remember him my way? Will I regret it now that I know he's gone? To be honest, I don't know much of anything right now. I thought writing would clarify my feelings. I still feel hollow. There has been a piece of me missing since my mom and dad went their separate ways. This just feels like confirmation.

The First 50

Here's a bit of word association. I saw it on a friend's Facebook page and decided to indulge. I've typed exactly what came to mind when I read the word. I'm on a mission to find out where my head is these days-figured this is a fine start!

The rules are as follows (in case you haven't got the jist of it and want to try it yourself);

Type what comes to mind FIRST whenever you see these 50 words. No second thoughts, no going back and changing things. It's not about being PC and it doesn’t matter how random it is!

1. Beer: I'd have to be tipsy first to enjoy one
2. Food: my weakness
3. Relationships: hard work
4. Crush: Common
5. Dreams: attaining them can be simple or complicated but you don't know until you try
6. Life: is a series of trials and errors
7. President: MAYBE
8. Yummy: indulge now feel guilty later
9. Cars: KB just might love them more than me
10. Movies: Dolby Digital
11. Halloween: for kids
12. Sex: *smiles*
13. Religion: my core
14. Hate: a word I use too liberally
15. Fear: failure
16. Marriage: next step....next year?
17. Blondes: overrated...lol
18. Slippers: slipper socks are heaven
19. Shoes: beautiful and painful
20. Men: can't live with them....can't procreate without them
21. Women: more difficult that we'd like to believe
22. Pass time: Books
23. Cell Phone: crackberry
24. Smoke: stinky
25. Fantasy: Money is no object
26. College: choices
27. High school: carefree
28. Pajamas: tshirt and panties
29. Stars: constantly reaching for them
30. Goal: meaningful accomplishments
31. Alcohol: alter ego-Nessa Fierce, lol
32. Love: consuming
33. Friends: like snowflakes- no two are alike
34. Money: I don't have enough
35. Heartache: devastating
36. Time: never seem to use it wisely
37. Divorce: not an option
38. Dogs: Yorkie or a pug...one day soon
39. Undies: boy shorts are my fav
40. Parents: made me who I am
41. Babies: one day *crosses fingers*
42. Ex: ex for a reason
43. Song: Right now I have Mavado "Settle Down" in my head
44. Color: Blue
45. Weddings: expensive
46. Pizza: Italians think of all the good foods
47. Hangout: wine and friends
48. Rest: none for the weary
49. Achievement: still working on making a name for myself
50. Inspiration: failure

Just my thoughts man

I'm baaaaaaaack.

Shout out to KB! Happy Birthday babes. Lord knows you are my daily April fool's joke.

Please don't wonder why I haven't posted much. I have no answers, there is no legitimate reason. Just plain haven't felt like it. It's nice to know you missed me though! *waves*

Between this Steve Harvey craze, various chats with my newlywed friend, Slim's thoughts, and the one argument that will I am confident will be the demise of KB and I, I am beginning to wonder if I am subconsciously sabotaging.

Miss Independent, tends to focus a lot on herself. Specifically, what I need to do to get where I want to be. I guess I have a one track mind-that track being my own road to success. And even if there is a passenger or two in the car, I am the driver. It's been damn near four years and I still haven't grasped the "we".

I can't shake my independence. I have had to do for self since for as long as I can remember. But it's no longer my redeeming quality, it's become baggage. I want to unpack that bag and make room for the domestic goddess. The one who doesn't cringe when she hears Destiny's Child sing Cater 2 U (I am even making faces as I write the song title. It is gonna be an uphill battle).

If there are any reformed "me" to "we" girls out there, please help a sista out. What exactly does this transition entail? I tried a few things with the experiment (which did show promise) but I do not think I can add that to my daily routine.

If you have ideas, I'd be happy to hear them. Maybe even try a thing or two. I am ready for the 2nd step. I've already admitted the problem.

My Blogiversary

(Why do I hear Toni Tony Tone in my head, "its your anniversary"?)

On this day in 2008, I woke up with an odd pain in my back. I hadn't done anything freaky or fun the night before so I couldn't fathom what would cause me pain. And then it hit me.

More intense than the pain was the realization that I am getting old. Only old people have pain for no reason! I figured pretty soon I'll know when it's going to rain by the ache in my knee (you know every old person has that gift). In an effort to laugh, to keep from crying, I began chronicling my transition from late 20's to early 30's and folks this here blog is what we ended up with.

I made a few friends along the way. Most of them too shy to add their two sense *waves at friends on the west coast and in Europe who drop by now and then* . Love ya anyway!

What have I learned from this year?

-Grown up relationships are hard and need constant nurturing
-Mistakes don't matter nearly as much as what you learn from
-I have a shopping addiction
-With growth comes a bit of separation from those who have not evolved with you
-My biological clock needs some to be on some daylight savings asap, cuz we are not ready
-I am a behind schedule in terms of planning for my future

To name a few. I hope the lessons from my last year in my 20's are equally valid. I hope that when I fall down I can pick myself up again. I hope you guys are still along for the ride!

Happy Blogiversary!

The Man of My Dreams

Yall don't even understand how pissed I was when I woke up this morning. After dreaming about being this man's significant other and all the goodness it bring....I woke up next to a totally different person, lol.

I love my baby but that was not a pleasant surprise!

My imagination is too wild at night.

A Dream Deferred-Part Deux

The snooze button on my biological clock has not given me a sense of peace. I thought rationalizing the fact that I am not "ready" financially, morally (I do want to be married first), emotionally (still have mama issues I need to get past) would put things in perspective.

It has not.

If I am not thinking about parenthood in the day, I will most certainly see our offspring in my dreams at night. In recent months, in just about every dream (no matter the content) there is a little girl by my side. The most beautiful girl child I have ever seen.

My friend's mom says I am not over the loss of my first child and it is her I see in my dreams. She is watching over me. I like that theory, it comforts me at times.

But I think the more accurate theory is that I am plum crazy. Not Nadya Suleman crazy, but deranged just the same.

There is a hole where my heart used to be. No matter how much I try to fill it with other things, nothing comes close to motherhood.

My biggest fear? Its not raccoons or drowning, as I have led others to believe (though they do scare the shit out of me). It is that little girl, the one in my dreams, being the closest thing I will ever have to a biological child.

Save the advice for someone who needs it

I will start by saying I am far from perfect. Just about every week I air out my imperfections right here. With that said, I am no fan of unsolicited advice. Please do not tell me what to do if I have not asked your opinion.

I've recently become re acquainted with an ex. He is married, baby on the way. You guys are aware that I,too, have a significant other. While I love that we can be friends, there is something that boils my blood about his lil pep talks.

I feel as though it will come to the point where I ask "does your wife take kindly to these lectures?"

If I respond "spaghetti" to the question "what's for dinner?" He suggests I add a little sausage. He has a helpful damn hint for everything,"hand wash the dishes don't use the dishwasher that's lazy". Oh it is? I will be sure and let your wife know you'd prefer that the dishes are hand washed at your house. We use the dishwasher at mine.

Am I over reacting? The way I see it...I run this, it is MY home. He is in no way involved in our daily activities so why should he have an unsolicited say so?

How's the weather?

It's been a while but I can't go very long without getting shit off my chest. I need my blog to vent, and I need my readers...well cuz it's nice to know I'm not talking to myself.

Today's vendetta? Small Talk. It irks me. I just don't get it. Don't ask what I am doing for the sake of asking. And we both know you don't really care how the family, boyfriend, job, fill in the blank is....why ask?

If you are asking out of genuine interest and concern that is different. But asking just to preface what you REALLY want to talk about? Spare me please! I don't mind you getting to the point after the initial "hello?", "hey what's up?" part of the conversation. I honestly don't. In fact I prefer it.

So many people do not understand this about me. KB is one of those people. Even after having spoken to him two or three times in one day he will still start a conversation with "what's up?" Are you kidding? Please say what it is that needs to be said!

Am I crazy, or is small talk unnecessary?