Those of you who know me, know that I am always trying to make ME better. That is essentially what this blog is about. I truly believe my 20's have been about shaping me for the rest of my life; deciding who I am am, who I want to be, and where I want to go.
I attended a graduation today and although it was one of the smallest ceremonies I have ever attended, I heard one of the most profound pieces of advice I've ever heard. Simple and concise, the professors words are still with me 5 hours after the speech concluded.
"make mistakes but make them once"
Simple right? But think about it...growing up is making mistakes, it is trial and error. It is what you have done that makes you who you are. So it isn't about perfection, it's about learning from your mistakes. The only way to truly learn from them is to be sure that you are not habitually repeating them.
Readers, go forth make mistakes! Fall down. Dust yourself off; as long as you are just a bit more careful about recreating that same hurt every bruise is worth it.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Why Are Black Women So Mean?
You're angry from just reading the title aren't you? lol This is a topic that is always up for debate; most recently on a post I read on Stuff Black People Hate. The issue? Why are black women so unapproachable?
Rather than counter-argue, and defend my entire race.... I'd prefer to share an experience I had recently.
A friend of mine accompanied me to a club I've been curious about. It was just the two of us, not a herd. Anyhow, we were kickin it, chillaxin in a corner when a man approached me. He was mildly attractive, white male, friendly demeanor so when he approached I was not defensive or instantly agitated. In fact, I engaged in conversation with him for 20 minutes or so (could have been longer). We laughed, joked, etc. He was headed back to the bar and asked if I wanted anything. Initially I said no but he pushed (so much so that I sort of wondered if I should accompany him in case he tried to slip me something) and eventually I accepted the offer.
He returned with my drink and we chatted it up some more. I honestly thought that he was a cool guy, so imagine my surprise when our conversation shifted;
Him; "So we seem to get along well, maybe we can have dinner sometime? Can I take you out?"
Me; "Oh, I am so sorry. I am actually in a relationship right now."
*Glares at me as if I'd stolen the oxygen mask off his dying grandmother*
Him; "YOU WHAT? Man, I wish you would have told me all of that before!"
*Return his stare and wonder if it is possible he slipped a knife past the metal detector*
Me; "I'm sorry, it didn't come up. I thought we were just kickin it. Didn't realize you were interested."
Him; "If you weren't so cool, I would ask you for my money back."
Mmm Hmm....THAT my dears is why black women tend to be a little standoffish. Being nice can give people the wrong impression.
Rather than counter-argue, and defend my entire race.... I'd prefer to share an experience I had recently.
A friend of mine accompanied me to a club I've been curious about. It was just the two of us, not a herd. Anyhow, we were kickin it, chillaxin in a corner when a man approached me. He was mildly attractive, white male, friendly demeanor so when he approached I was not defensive or instantly agitated. In fact, I engaged in conversation with him for 20 minutes or so (could have been longer). We laughed, joked, etc. He was headed back to the bar and asked if I wanted anything. Initially I said no but he pushed (so much so that I sort of wondered if I should accompany him in case he tried to slip me something) and eventually I accepted the offer.
He returned with my drink and we chatted it up some more. I honestly thought that he was a cool guy, so imagine my surprise when our conversation shifted;
Him; "So we seem to get along well, maybe we can have dinner sometime? Can I take you out?"
Me; "Oh, I am so sorry. I am actually in a relationship right now."
*Glares at me as if I'd stolen the oxygen mask off his dying grandmother*
Him; "YOU WHAT? Man, I wish you would have told me all of that before!"
*Return his stare and wonder if it is possible he slipped a knife past the metal detector*
Me; "I'm sorry, it didn't come up. I thought we were just kickin it. Didn't realize you were interested."
Him; "If you weren't so cool, I would ask you for my money back."
Mmm Hmm....THAT my dears is why black women tend to be a little standoffish. Being nice can give people the wrong impression.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
The Art of "Agree to Disagree"
In my current relationship, I am dating one of the most stubborn personalities I have ever come across. I have a very strong (and sometimes insensitively honest) demeanor about me. The combination obviously leads to some headed debates. Occasionally they do lead to a light bulb moment, but more often than not they lead to me saying very loudly "ok let's just end the conversation here, it is not going to go anywhere".
I think it the best means to avoiding a heated end. Why go through the shouting, racing pulse, shallow breathing, and anger an argument ensues when you know there will be no agreement in the end? Why NOT bypass all that drama before it gets to that point?
Because as I said...he is STUBBORN, lol. KB would rather continue to defend his point than have an amicable end to a tense conversation.
Have any of my readers mastered the art of "agree to disagree"? Any idea why my method isn't foolproof?
I think it the best means to avoiding a heated end. Why go through the shouting, racing pulse, shallow breathing, and anger an argument ensues when you know there will be no agreement in the end? Why NOT bypass all that drama before it gets to that point?
Because as I said...he is STUBBORN, lol. KB would rather continue to defend his point than have an amicable end to a tense conversation.
Have any of my readers mastered the art of "agree to disagree"? Any idea why my method isn't foolproof?
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Bernie Mac
Bernard Jeffrey McCullough
October 5, 1957-August 9, 2008
It took me a while to be able to write about this loss because I honestly didn't want to believe it. While he has been out of the public eye for a few months, I never would have attributed that disappearance to sickness. Bernie has always been virile, energetic, larger than life. To imagine him in a hospital bed, clinging to life is surreal. Maybe that is why his family hid it for so long.
But the truth of the matter is he was sick. And he did pass away. There is a great loss in black comedy. I've been a Bernie fan since way back. I remember when he was Moesha's uncle! His sense of humor was out there...but damned if he wasn't funny as hell.
I am still calling people a "summamab*tch", still saying "jingalang, jingalang", still want to know "where my cookies and shit?". The man was an icon, he truly will be missed. And in the words of George Clooney "the world just became a lot less funny"
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Am I the only one that noticed?
Many of you know this man as new rapper Maino (say it with me now "Hi Hater!"). But has anyone noticed how much he looks like ....
Actor Khalil Kain? You guys know him from Juice and maybe more recently as Darnell on the UPN series Girlfriends. I say it's an alter ego (ok fine, more like brother from another mother)...
Is it just me?
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Spoiled Children...Rotten Adults
Every parent wants their child to have all the things they were not afforded. A parent who was never taken to the circus will make a conscious effort to bring the child every year. One whose parents never involved them in extra-curriculars may grow up to be the parent whose (over-committed) child has to consult a calender just to figure out what is on each day's agenda.
It is not abnormal to want to give your child the things your childhood lacked. But what if it were material things? Do you scramble to buy your kid Jordan's because you remember being made fun of for wearing BoBo's (yeah "BoBo's...they cost $1.99, BoBo's the make your feet feel fine"...don't act like you don't remember that). Everyone else had Atari but your parents said no. Does that mean you buy Jr. every Xbox, Nintendo DS, Playstation, model on the market?
Where does it stop?
It doesn't. The child becomes an adult who has distorted view of the world. They have an illogical sense of entitlement. It's the woman who I falls in love with a dress in the store and becomes enraged when they don't have her size. The high school student who loses interest in college applications after getting a low SAT score. The man in your office who becomes disoriented when he starts a project and it does not go exactly according to plan. The girl who is discouraged from trying something a second time when she was no good at it the first. The list goes on and on. And no... one does not necessarily lead to another but there is a distinct relationship.
Material possessions last for a short period of time, but character is forever.
It is not abnormal to want to give your child the things your childhood lacked. But what if it were material things? Do you scramble to buy your kid Jordan's because you remember being made fun of for wearing BoBo's (yeah "BoBo's...they cost $1.99, BoBo's the make your feet feel fine"...don't act like you don't remember that). Everyone else had Atari but your parents said no. Does that mean you buy Jr. every Xbox, Nintendo DS, Playstation, model on the market?
Where does it stop?
It doesn't. The child becomes an adult who has distorted view of the world. They have an illogical sense of entitlement. It's the woman who I falls in love with a dress in the store and becomes enraged when they don't have her size. The high school student who loses interest in college applications after getting a low SAT score. The man in your office who becomes disoriented when he starts a project and it does not go exactly according to plan. The girl who is discouraged from trying something a second time when she was no good at it the first. The list goes on and on. And no... one does not necessarily lead to another but there is a distinct relationship.
Material possessions last for a short period of time, but character is forever.
Friday, July 25, 2008
A Mean Shoe Game
I know my ladies can relate. Nothing makes you feel sexier than a pair of heels. In fact, for the right man...some ladies will show up to the bedroom wearing nothing more.
I read that "Our intimate relationship with shoes begins shortly after we learn to walk. As soon as we want to feel 'grown-up,' we slip on a pair of our mother's shoes, preferably high heels, instantly heightening our sense of what it means to be female. And then what happens? We grow up and get to be the same size as Mummy and our personality begins to assert itself with the first independent purchase of shoes. As adults, we ask shoes to be our representatives. At any given moment, they are indicators of our age, mood and desires."
Doesn't that say it all?
For months now I have been searching for the perfect pair of heels to compliment this dress. I have no real idea what I am looking for. Maybe pewter, maybe bronze....and animal print would also be cute. But, overall, what I am looking for is that pair of shoes that makes makes me exhale when I put it on for the first time.
I thought that I found it in Aldo. I was drawn to the shoe immediately. I actually visited with it several times before I buckled down and tried it on. When I finally did I fell in love! And with it being on clearance I had to buy it. I had to! It was $24, tell me you wouldn't have!
Gorgeous isn't it?
The problem is the heel is five inches. FIVE! I am 5'7" so do the math. I have no business being 6" tall. For starters, I can see eye to eye with KB who is 6'4". If that isn't bad enough, it also inadvertently gives me a hooker stroll (you know that fast paced stride where you are leaning forward as if gravity will not allow you to stand up straight?).
Sadly, the shoe must go back and I have no prospects for a replacement. My trip to Miami is now 4 weeks away, I am starting to hyperventilate as I type. The shoe game is essential to preserving my sexy. Where am I going to find this perfect pair of heels?
Whoa is me....
***I never did return the shoe. Instead, I went home everyday after work and practiced walking in them. I did end up wearing them to the wedding and the ensemble was FAB!!
I read that "Our intimate relationship with shoes begins shortly after we learn to walk. As soon as we want to feel 'grown-up,' we slip on a pair of our mother's shoes, preferably high heels, instantly heightening our sense of what it means to be female. And then what happens? We grow up and get to be the same size as Mummy and our personality begins to assert itself with the first independent purchase of shoes. As adults, we ask shoes to be our representatives. At any given moment, they are indicators of our age, mood and desires."
Doesn't that say it all?
For months now I have been searching for the perfect pair of heels to compliment this dress. I have no real idea what I am looking for. Maybe pewter, maybe bronze....and animal print would also be cute. But, overall, what I am looking for is that pair of shoes that makes makes me exhale when I put it on for the first time.
I thought that I found it in Aldo. I was drawn to the shoe immediately. I actually visited with it several times before I buckled down and tried it on. When I finally did I fell in love! And with it being on clearance I had to buy it. I had to! It was $24, tell me you wouldn't have!
Gorgeous isn't it?
The problem is the heel is five inches. FIVE! I am 5'7" so do the math. I have no business being 6" tall. For starters, I can see eye to eye with KB who is 6'4". If that isn't bad enough, it also inadvertently gives me a hooker stroll (you know that fast paced stride where you are leaning forward as if gravity will not allow you to stand up straight?).
Sadly, the shoe must go back and I have no prospects for a replacement. My trip to Miami is now 4 weeks away, I am starting to hyperventilate as I type. The shoe game is essential to preserving my sexy. Where am I going to find this perfect pair of heels?
Whoa is me....
***I never did return the shoe. Instead, I went home everyday after work and practiced walking in them. I did end up wearing them to the wedding and the ensemble was FAB!!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Sly Fox
Watch what you watchin' Fox keeps feeding us toxins
Stop sleeping Start thinking
Outside of the box and
Unplug from The Matrix doctrine
But watch what you say Fox 5 is watchin'
Every now and then Nas fights the urge to be like every other rapper and allows us to be enlightened. We all know he has had his off days (like the day he walked in the studio and recorded "You We Me" with Ginuwine). Those are the instances that tempt us to compartmentalize Nas; put him in the He Was Once a Talented Rapper box. But we have to keep one thing in mind...When Nas speaks the truth we can't help but be informed.
On his current eye opening agenda Nas showed the masses how Fox really feel about Black Americans. I've been shaking me damn head ever since. Sometimes we turn a blind eye to what America considers Black Worth, but Mr. Jones has taken it upon himself to redirect us and make us face it. Yesterday Nas hand delivered a petition of 60,000 signatures to the Fox network's NY offices requesting they end racial propaganda.
What propaganda?
You guys may remember me mentioning the Obama family attacks in a previous post. Fox is also behind the "baby mama" comment, and they are the network airing Bill O'Reilly's show. Need I say more?
I must admit, this one has my full attention. I never realized that a lot of the inappropriate Obama comments were coming from the same place. These are very subtle attacks, not only on his family but black American families as a whole. After all...if being a loving dutiful wife and mother dubs you a "baby mama" because you happen to be brown as well, how many more "baby mamas" are out there?
I will now watch Fox keenly and be mindful of the other media outlets under their umbrella. Usually I am the first to scream "smells like a publicity stunt" when these controversy comes at a time when a start is promoting new work. And, yes, Nas does have a new album (with the Sly Fox single taking direct aim at the network). I still do not believe that he is gunning for publicity as Fox has suggested.
Truth is as truth does...
Keep a watchful eye y'all. That Fox is indeed sly.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Tomorrow Never Dies
I know, I know. Yet again I have let weeks pass without blogging. I guess I have been a little uninspired, I frequent other blogs and these writers do such a good point of summarizing current events...sometimes I just feel like "what more can be said about it?".
But I know my readers miss my point of view. And for the love of my readers I promise to make a sound effort to contribute something twice weekly.
Starting with today!
I should first mention that another reason I haven't been around is a medical issue. I am 70% of the way back to complete health but it's been a bumpy ride. I was out of work for nearly two weeks. Normally, being home for a solid week and a half would send me running screaming back to work. But my current job has no appeal....nothing to lure me back.
Last night I was up until after 11 (which is unheard of for me unless I am out and about) doing anything possible to prolong my last day. I knew that in the morning I'd wake up and have to return to a pile of unresolved issues.
As the clock sped on I realized...I despise my job. I literally loathe it. Returning to my cubicle today only confirmed it. I looked around at the stacks of (what is to me) junk and nearly hurled! It's as if they didn't even notice I was gone. No one took it upon themselves to find an alternative to me being gone. Just came by...dropped off their crap, and left. Now for a bunch of people that clearly could not function in my absence, no one cared to stop by my desk and ask if I am feeling better when I finally did return.
Sigh.
It's the kick in the butt I needed though. I know in my heart that my place of employment is no longer a place for me to learn and grow. After being here a year I have peaked...staying here any longer will just stunt my professional growth.
My tomorrow is near. I see a new position on the horizon. Stay tuned!!!
But I know my readers miss my point of view. And for the love of my readers I promise to make a sound effort to contribute something twice weekly.
Starting with today!
I should first mention that another reason I haven't been around is a medical issue. I am 70% of the way back to complete health but it's been a bumpy ride. I was out of work for nearly two weeks. Normally, being home for a solid week and a half would send me running screaming back to work. But my current job has no appeal....nothing to lure me back.
Last night I was up until after 11 (which is unheard of for me unless I am out and about) doing anything possible to prolong my last day. I knew that in the morning I'd wake up and have to return to a pile of unresolved issues.
As the clock sped on I realized...I despise my job. I literally loathe it. Returning to my cubicle today only confirmed it. I looked around at the stacks of (what is to me) junk and nearly hurled! It's as if they didn't even notice I was gone. No one took it upon themselves to find an alternative to me being gone. Just came by...dropped off their crap, and left. Now for a bunch of people that clearly could not function in my absence, no one cared to stop by my desk and ask if I am feeling better when I finally did return.
Sigh.
It's the kick in the butt I needed though. I know in my heart that my place of employment is no longer a place for me to learn and grow. After being here a year I have peaked...staying here any longer will just stunt my professional growth.
My tomorrow is near. I see a new position on the horizon. Stay tuned!!!
Monday, July 7, 2008
The "independance" in Independance Day
Just thought I'd share an observation I made at work this morning. We are coming off a long weekend...most of us are returning to work after having had 3 fun filled days off.
Naturally everyone in the office is sharing their holiday weekend stories...what they did, who came over, what the ate, alcohol consumption...you know, the usual holiday weekend festivties.
So I figure, the same things ring true about most people's Independence Day activities ( food, alcohol, fireworks). But the differences seem to be generational. My office is a 60/40 split; 60% are 40+, and 40% are between 25 and 39 (well maybe 39.99% because we do have Mr. Annoying who is about 23).
The Generation Xers are now nostalgic as we've come to the realization that this past weekend was our last long weekend for months. We are now committed to a summer of being indoors bombarded by paperwork. Our stories are reminiscent of the partying, the beach, the fun. And there is a distinct longing in every detail.
Generation Jones on the other hand are all gung-ho to start the work week. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard "the kids drove me crazy this weekend" as a start to an anecdotal. Their stories of in-laws, children, and family fun are not nostalgic by any stretch. It is almost as if they are in a "whose holiday weekend was worse" contest.
This observation has led me to one conclusion, and one conclusion alone. The 4th of July begins to suck somewhere around long-term commitment!
Naturally everyone in the office is sharing their holiday weekend stories...what they did, who came over, what the ate, alcohol consumption...you know, the usual holiday weekend festivties.
So I figure, the same things ring true about most people's Independence Day activities ( food, alcohol, fireworks). But the differences seem to be generational. My office is a 60/40 split; 60% are 40+, and 40% are between 25 and 39 (well maybe 39.99% because we do have Mr. Annoying who is about 23).
The Generation Xers are now nostalgic as we've come to the realization that this past weekend was our last long weekend for months. We are now committed to a summer of being indoors bombarded by paperwork. Our stories are reminiscent of the partying, the beach, the fun. And there is a distinct longing in every detail.
Generation Jones on the other hand are all gung-ho to start the work week. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard "the kids drove me crazy this weekend" as a start to an anecdotal. Their stories of in-laws, children, and family fun are not nostalgic by any stretch. It is almost as if they are in a "whose holiday weekend was worse" contest.
This observation has led me to one conclusion, and one conclusion alone. The 4th of July begins to suck somewhere around long-term commitment!
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