Luxaholic:The Finer Things

Contrary to what my readers might believe...the finer things to me are not the things I purchase on my shopping binges. They aren't found in my Coach collection (although technically I didn't purchase any of those things myself), it's not any of the gadgets I own, not a single pair of the many shoes in my closet. The finer things to me are so much more simple.

The finer things are thoughtful. They are the little things that let you know someone was thinking of you. Like opening my mailbox after a hard day's work and finding a birthday card from a co-worker. This is a girl, I know through my aunt. In fact I've only hung out with her twice outside the workplace. Yet she remembered I have a birthday coming. Beyond that she took the time to buy me a card and get a hold of my address. How amazing does that feel?

I am a Luxaholic but I don't impose my preference for those things on others. It really is the thought that counts...just a little something to say "hey, I was thinking about you". That's all I ever ask!

I Love Your Blog!

I've been nominated for the "I love your blog" award! It feels good to be loved! Thank you Ms. S!!! Would an acceptance speech be a bit much? I would like to thank my family, KB, my friends, and the insane world I live in for being my inspiration to write. Of course, above all else, I'd like to thank God! Just kidding folks...but in all honesty it was an honor being nominated, lol

And now I shall pass the torch...

Now The Rules:
1. The nominated is allowed to put this picture on their blogs.

2. Link to the person who hearted you.

3. Nominate at least 7 other people and link to them.

4. Leave a message on those people's blog to make them aware that they're nominated.

I nominate:
1. Ms. S of course, her blog keeps me in stitches!
2. Islandista
3. Single Black Male
4. Sister Toldja
5. Kasmira
6. The Cheap Chica
7. Cheap Thrills-Boston

The Friday Fuck You

Thanks to Patrice over at A Day in My World, I will be starting a new tradition. Each Friday I will list 7 affirmations and rants, called The Friday Fuck You. Ideally, it is just a bit of reassurance (ex"Fuck You. I will make $70k this year."). Just a little something to keep the spirits up. Sounds a bit harsh, may even lose a few readers due to language, but I promise you guys it's all in good fun (and tasteful).

Without further ado...Here is today's Friday Fuck You

1. Fuck You. My book will be in print next year. So be ready for big thangs from Dorchester's Daughter Publishing in '09

2. Fuck You. When/If we are getting married I'll let you know....may even send you an invitation. Until then, don't ask me again.

3. Fuck You. I will take my birthday off of work even though I just got back from vacation.

4. Fuck You. There is nothing wrong with "Modern Girls", a woman can have career and family. They named the show DESPERATE Housewives for a reason.

5. Fuck You. You can have the body of a video vixen and the brain of a scholar. I am sexy AND smart.

6. Fuck You. My new mantra is Successful and Fine in '09 (shout out to MyMoneyDream!)

7. Fuck You. That felt good. All that cursing and I am still a lady!

Woosah! That felt good yall! Everyone needs to vent every once in a while so I encourage the readers to embrace the new tradition and stop in the comments section to leave your own Friday Fuck You .

Whatever You Like

Male bloggers haven't been very supportive of the new T.I. song. And I can understand their hesitance to an extent...but I am a lady. And damned if I am gonna turn up my nose at a brotha who says I can have whatever I like;

Hundred K deposits, vacations hit the tropics/ Cause errbody know it ain't trickin if ya got it/ Ya need to never ever gotta go to yo wallet/ Long as I got rubberband banks in my pocket/ Five six, rides with rims and a body kit/ Ya ain't gotta downgrade you can get what I get /My chick can have what she want/ And go in every store for any bag she want/ And know she ain't never had a man like that/ To buy ya anything your heart desire like that





"Baby you can have whatever you like"



Just hearing it give me the warm and fuzzies! Do we need a man to tell us that? No. Are we depending on a man to give us anything? Hell no. But that doesn't mean we aren't open to being spoiled. In the same way a man wants to know that after a long day at work, he can come home to a cold beer and a hot meal...a woman would like to think that because she's made that possible she can have whatever she likes!

Fellas, you are looking at it the wrong way. We are not talking about gold diggers. Nor are we looking for a handout. We are simply saying it's nice to hear a man say that he is willing to give his lady whatever her heart desires.

Does KB spoil me? No, I am all about spoiling myself. But, for the record, this Miss Independent is independent by choice. Not too many guys feel the way T.I. does; and I am not a fan of the question "why do you need_________?".

But don't fret my dears...until T.I.'s sentiment is shared by the masses we CAN have whatever we like. As long as we are willing to buy it ourselves!

I've Got My Eye on You

Beloved Readers,

Not Ms. S or MyMoneyDream (although they are beloved, love ya cuzzos, lol). YOU. Yes, you! Believe me it IS a sigh of relief that someone is amused by my ramblings. I love that you come by every now and then, but I feel like the love is not returned sometimes yall. It's a lot like looking for love in a one night stand; you come by, get your kicks, and I never hear from you again. To put it bluntly, it's a whole lot of "wham bam thank you ma'am" going on.

Recently, one of my posts was featured on SBM. Now he talks a whole lot of mess, but when he is (eh ehem) wrong his audience speaks up. It was a blessing being posted on his site because although my opinion was not shared by all, there were some strong counter-arguments. And you know what?...I would never have thought about those things. I only saw my experience that night from my own perspective.

While I am doing this as an alternative to journaling, the best part of being on the web is that the world is my oyster. I have readers as close to home as Providence, NH, and NY. There are readers across oceans and continents in places like South Africa, Brazil, and France. And I love every. single. one of you. I get the warm and fuzzies just thinkin about yall! I would love some feedback. Get your Young Jeezy on, and "put on" for your city!!! You don't have to comment on every single post...but if you read something that you agree or disagree with preach!

I know your there, don't get all scurred on me now. No need to stop visiting because I put you on blast. I just want to encourage you all to voice your opinions in the same way I openly voice mine. From this day forward no more peeping!

Let's start with an ice breaker. I'll go first, my name is Dorchester's Daughter and I am from the Dot. My numero uno fans are my cuzzos Ms. S and MyMoneyDream who are also from around these parts. Where are you from? No...not the guy in the cubicle next to you who is likely reading my blog as well, YOU! Shout out your city!

Because He's Black

This is an excerpt from an email I was forwarded by Ms. S. I thought it was worth sharing with my fellow minority Obama supporters;


A white man asked his black friend, "Are you voting for Barack Obama just because he's black?"

The black man responded by saying, "Why not? Hell, in this country men are pulled over everyday just cause their black; passed over for promotions just cause their black; considered to be criminals just cause they're black, and there are going to be thousands of you who wont be voting for him just cause he's black! However; you do not seem to have a problem with that! This country was built with the sweat and whip off of the slaves' backs, and now a descendant of those same slaves has a chance to lead the same country. A country where we weren't even considered to be people; where we weren't allowed to be educated; drink from the same water fountains; eat in the same restaurants, or even vote. So yes, I'm going to vote for him! But it's not just because he's black, but because he is hope, he is change, and he now allows me to understand when my grandson says he wants to be president when he grows up, it is not a fairy tale, but a short term goal. Because he sees, understands, and knows, he can achieve, withstand, and do anything just because he's black!"

A Public Apology

A few years ago I pointed out to my cousin that she had the same shoe (style) in different brands and different colors. I can't say that she was entirely pleased with me for pointing it out but she has since varied her selection a bit.

Years later, I am unpacking my suitcase from my recent vacay and behold...


exhibit A; same damn purse


Not once in purchasing said purses did I realize that it is the same style in different colors and brands. Sure one is satin, one is leather, and one is patent...but they are essentially the same bag.

So dear cousin I want to apologize for poking fun. Aparently sticking to what we like runs in the family!

Those of you who know me, know that I am always trying to make ME better. That is essentially what this blog is about. I truly believe my 20's have been about shaping me for the rest of my life; deciding who I am am, who I want to be, and where I want to go.

I attended a graduation today and although it was one of the smallest ceremonies I have ever attended, I heard one of the most profound pieces of advice I've ever heard. Simple and concise, the professors words are still with me 5 hours after the speech concluded.

"make mistakes but make them once"

Simple right? But think about it...growing up is making mistakes, it is trial and error. It is what you have done that makes you who you are. So it isn't about perfection, it's about learning from your mistakes. The only way to truly learn from them is to be sure that you are not habitually repeating them.

Readers, go forth make mistakes! Fall down. Dust yourself off; as long as you are just a bit more careful about recreating that same hurt every bruise is worth it.

Why Are Black Women So Mean?

You're angry from just reading the title aren't you? lol This is a topic that is always up for debate; most recently on a post I read on Stuff Black People Hate. The issue? Why are black women so unapproachable?

Rather than counter-argue, and defend my entire race.... I'd prefer to share an experience I had recently.

A friend of mine accompanied me to a club I've been curious about. It was just the two of us, not a herd. Anyhow, we were kickin it, chillaxin in a corner when a man approached me. He was mildly attractive, white male, friendly demeanor so when he approached I was not defensive or instantly agitated. In fact, I engaged in conversation with him for 20 minutes or so (could have been longer). We laughed, joked, etc. He was headed back to the bar and asked if I wanted anything. Initially I said no but he pushed (so much so that I sort of wondered if I should accompany him in case he tried to slip me something) and eventually I accepted the offer.

He returned with my drink and we chatted it up some more. I honestly thought that he was a cool guy, so imagine my surprise when our conversation shifted;

Him; "So we seem to get along well, maybe we can have dinner sometime? Can I take you out?"
Me; "Oh, I am so sorry. I am actually in a relationship right now."
*Glares at me as if I'd stolen the oxygen mask off his dying grandmother*
Him; "YOU WHAT? Man, I wish you would have told me all of that before!"
*Return his stare and wonder if it is possible he slipped a knife past the metal detector*
Me; "I'm sorry, it didn't come up. I thought we were just kickin it. Didn't realize you were interested."
Him; "If you weren't so cool, I would ask you for my money back."

Mmm Hmm....THAT my dears is why black women tend to be a little standoffish. Being nice can give people the wrong impression. 

The Art of "Agree to Disagree"

In my current relationship, I am dating one of the most stubborn personalities I have ever come across. I have a very strong (and sometimes insensitively honest) demeanor about me. The combination obviously leads to some headed debates. Occasionally they do lead to a light bulb moment, but more often than not they lead to me saying very loudly "ok let's just end the conversation here, it is not going to go anywhere".

I think it the best means to avoiding a heated end. Why go through the shouting, racing pulse, shallow breathing, and anger an argument ensues when you know there will be no agreement in the end? Why NOT bypass all that drama before it gets to that point?

Because as I said...he is STUBBORN, lol. KB would rather continue to defend his point than have an amicable end to a tense conversation.

Have any of my readers mastered the art of "agree to disagree"? Any idea why my method isn't foolproof?