My Blogiversary

(Why do I hear Toni Tony Tone in my head, "its your anniversary"?)

On this day in 2008, I woke up with an odd pain in my back. I hadn't done anything freaky or fun the night before so I couldn't fathom what would cause me pain. And then it hit me.

More intense than the pain was the realization that I am getting old. Only old people have pain for no reason! I figured pretty soon I'll know when it's going to rain by the ache in my knee (you know every old person has that gift). In an effort to laugh, to keep from crying, I began chronicling my transition from late 20's to early 30's and folks this here blog is what we ended up with.

I made a few friends along the way. Most of them too shy to add their two sense *waves at friends on the west coast and in Europe who drop by now and then* . Love ya anyway!

What have I learned from this year?

-Grown up relationships are hard and need constant nurturing
-Mistakes don't matter nearly as much as what you learn from
-I have a shopping addiction
-With growth comes a bit of separation from those who have not evolved with you
-My biological clock needs some to be on some daylight savings asap, cuz we are not ready
-I am a behind schedule in terms of planning for my future

To name a few. I hope the lessons from my last year in my 20's are equally valid. I hope that when I fall down I can pick myself up again. I hope you guys are still along for the ride!

Happy Blogiversary!

The Man of My Dreams

Yall don't even understand how pissed I was when I woke up this morning. After dreaming about being this man's significant other and all the goodness it bring....I woke up next to a totally different person, lol.

I love my baby but that was not a pleasant surprise!

My imagination is too wild at night.

A Dream Deferred-Part Deux

The snooze button on my biological clock has not given me a sense of peace. I thought rationalizing the fact that I am not "ready" financially, morally (I do want to be married first), emotionally (still have mama issues I need to get past) would put things in perspective.

It has not.

If I am not thinking about parenthood in the day, I will most certainly see our offspring in my dreams at night. In recent months, in just about every dream (no matter the content) there is a little girl by my side. The most beautiful girl child I have ever seen.

My friend's mom says I am not over the loss of my first child and it is her I see in my dreams. She is watching over me. I like that theory, it comforts me at times.

But I think the more accurate theory is that I am plum crazy. Not Nadya Suleman crazy, but deranged just the same.

There is a hole where my heart used to be. No matter how much I try to fill it with other things, nothing comes close to motherhood.

My biggest fear? Its not raccoons or drowning, as I have led others to believe (though they do scare the shit out of me). It is that little girl, the one in my dreams, being the closest thing I will ever have to a biological child.

Save the advice for someone who needs it

I will start by saying I am far from perfect. Just about every week I air out my imperfections right here. With that said, I am no fan of unsolicited advice. Please do not tell me what to do if I have not asked your opinion.

I've recently become re acquainted with an ex. He is married, baby on the way. You guys are aware that I,too, have a significant other. While I love that we can be friends, there is something that boils my blood about his lil pep talks.

I feel as though it will come to the point where I ask "does your wife take kindly to these lectures?"

If I respond "spaghetti" to the question "what's for dinner?" He suggests I add a little sausage. He has a helpful damn hint for everything,"hand wash the dishes don't use the dishwasher that's lazy". Oh it is? I will be sure and let your wife know you'd prefer that the dishes are hand washed at your house. We use the dishwasher at mine.

Am I over reacting? The way I see it...I run this, it is MY home. He is in no way involved in our daily activities so why should he have an unsolicited say so?

How's the weather?

It's been a while but I can't go very long without getting shit off my chest. I need my blog to vent, and I need my readers...well cuz it's nice to know I'm not talking to myself.

Today's vendetta? Small Talk. It irks me. I just don't get it. Don't ask what I am doing for the sake of asking. And we both know you don't really care how the family, boyfriend, job, fill in the blank is....why ask?

If you are asking out of genuine interest and concern that is different. But asking just to preface what you REALLY want to talk about? Spare me please! I don't mind you getting to the point after the initial "hello?", "hey what's up?" part of the conversation. I honestly don't. In fact I prefer it.

So many people do not understand this about me. KB is one of those people. Even after having spoken to him two or three times in one day he will still start a conversation with "what's up?" Are you kidding? Please say what it is that needs to be said!

Am I crazy, or is small talk unnecessary?

Return to Sender

When we spend a long period of time with a significant other we acquire stuff; gifts, momentous, and the like. Even when the relationship does not last these things they've brought into our lives are constant reminders.

Do we give them back?

No. That's petty. Should we keep them? I don't know. Who wants constant reminders? And what if it is replaced by something nicer from the new s.o? You find yourself wearing a pretty cocktail ring so often that the new guy notices. He picks up an beautiful one and presents it to you as a gift. Is that license to toss the other one aside?

What about a sexy nightie? If a man buys you sexy lingerie for his own eyes is it ok to wear it for the new boo?

I thought about all these things the other day. The heat in our apartment has been non existent at best which meant the traditional tshirt and undies to bed was just not gonna cut it. I fumbled through the many pj sets I have and do not use, looking for the ultimate in comfort. Flannel.

And there it was baby blue capri pant with winnie the pooh (my absolute fav man on the planet). As I pulled them on I remembered the set was the highly coveted gift of the century, given to me a few years prior by an ex. Though I still adore these pjs I was almost hesitant to put them on because of how much I once loved them, and loved him for knowing I would.

I shrugged it off. "They're just pajamas" I decided as I slipped them on. When I emerged from the bedroom KB noticed right away. "Bringing Pooh back?"

Does he even know how much I once adored Pooh? Does he know all things Pooh were the go to gift for me at one point in life? Probably not. So he can't know my pjs came from a man. Would he be upset if he did?

All the mental rambling got be to thinking of all the other things I've collected from guys along the way. What do you ladies do with ex stuff? Return to sender?

Maybe

I do not think hope is something I ever really understood until this presidential election. I am always about realism, logistics. Give me facts that I can refer back to, concrete findings, statistics. I was never one for abstract thought or hypothetical. "Maybe" has almost certainly meant "no" in the past. But even the realist in me sees that there is something extraordinary about potential.

Throughout the inaugural weekend my elation was coupled with a hopeful song on my soul. Like a record skipping these few words played over and over;

Oh there been times that I thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I am able to carry on
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come

I wasn't around when Sam Cooke made those words famous, but I share the sentiment just the same. That change has been coming since the Civil Rights Movement...and though I am not optimistic enough to say it is here, I cannot deny the "maybe" my heart is filled with.

Maybe we can fix some of those Bush mistakes
Maybe America's reputation can be restored
Maybe the country will continue to live in this harmonious existence
Maybe hard work truly does pay of
Maybe we are starting to be judged by the content of our character
Maybe change does start with ONE person
Maybe
Maybe
MAYBE




......Maybe "maybe" isn't as bad as I thought. Maybe hope is all I needed all these years.

My President is Black

And America loves him almost as much as his wife does! Happy Inauguration Day!

What's in a Name?

Romeo told Juliet "that which we call a rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet". If that is true, than is that which we call Adolf Hitler just as merciless? Should we be just as fearful?

Confused? Not as confused as I was when I learned that an NJ couple named their son Adolf Hitler Campbell.

I will wait. You'll probably need to let that marinate for a bit.

Now that you've let it really set in...don't fly off the handle just yet. You haven't heard what they've named their daughters. His sister's names? JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell. Go ahead. Curse them. Shake your head. Rant about how birth control should not be an option but a mandate. I did all that and then some before turning off the news last night.

Ironically, I have always said parents who name their children with such disregard for their futures should be deemed unfit. I sincerely believed Social Services should take them away; it is child abuse in my eyes. But even then, I meant names like Diamond, Versace, Mercedes, Karlequa. And the pre-fixes! (sigh) You know Ty, La, Rae, added to perfectly fine name like Keith. THOSE are the parents I believed could not really care for the children they are rearing.

After careful consideration, I just might take that back. Because if it was between LaKeith James Patterson and Adolf Hitler Campbell? Adolf loses every time.

A Dream Deferred

A bunch of bougie party-throwers got it in their heads that they can make a whole lot of cash off of the few folks who will not be in DC this weekend. Not much unlike DC residents who will be raking it in off of the thousands who will be there.

How?

Throw around the words "Yes We Can" and "I Have a Dream". If it is not MLK or Obama related it is not happening this weekend. My Facebook page has been bombarded with invites and I know it is not just here in Boston. If we're getting THIS much excitement imagine LA, MIA, ATL, NY, Chi-town? It's reason enough for people to go harder than DJ Khalid, Kanye, and T Pain.

So this is where my plea comes in. Brown folks, pay particular attention. As we go forth and party in the name of change...let's mean it. If we are going to embrace the messages of these men, let's do the message some real justice. Can we make some REAL changes?

Can we forget about the fact that some guy hit on your girl or stepped on your Kenneth Cole loafers and NOT "see him" outside? Can we choose to respect the woman who has declined your offer to "get to know" each other? Maybe say "that's cool. It was nice to meet you" instead of "fuck you, you ain't all that anyway"? Winter weather is upon us, ladies, can we avoid wearing that mini dress? Can we leave the heels at home until we've learned to walk in them? Can we not lead a brotha on in the name of free alcohol? Can we order a bottle of Moet and drink it out of the glass instead of bringing the bottle to the dance floor? Can we leave the sunglasses at home? We do go to these parties after the sun has gone down, correct? While we are at it, can we remove the 2 carat CZs as well?

Yes We Can!

(pause. I'll wait, you may need a church fan, bout to break off some knowledge)

I have a dream! That one day... hopefully as soon as this weekend... we will live up to the expectations of those who paved the way for us to be humanized in America. One day we will stop acting life the buffoons we are portrayed as, in the media. My dream is that ABWs (Angry Black Women) and thuggery (gold chains and teeth included) will become stereotypes of the past. Can we behave a little but more like Barack and Michelle? Can we perpetuate THAT image instead of the ones displayed on Real Chance at Love?

I HAVE A DREAM! That the cops who shot young black men last week (in two separate incidents) will be prosecuted for their unwarranted and racist acts of violence. Wait that's another topic for another post. Sorry I was on a roll.

In that faithful speech Dr. King said "America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked 'insufficient funds.' If we are to consider the Obama Inauguration a sign that that check has finally been cashed, brown people....all I ask is that we do not spend it all in one place.