Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Countdown

Traditionally, at 11:59:54 we begin a countdown that ushers us into a new year in unison. Whether you are in a club, at home with friends, or in the center of town waiting on that ball to drop, those last five seconds are the same for eveyone.

In a matter of seconds you can leave behind the tears, frustrations, and angst of the year's past while welcoming the hope of another year's future bit. I get the warm and fuzzies just thinking about it! In honor of the countdown I have compiled a list of the five things I will not miss about 08.

Out with the old....

5. Money Woes
The struggling economy with a less than modest paycheck were not haut in 08. Let me tell you! I will gladly say my goodbyes to the credit card debit (to be paid off by June-Woot!), high gas prices, and all things low budget.

4. TPain and the overindulgence in autotune
Now Ms. S politely reminded me that T Pain isn't exactly going anywhere. But I can say goodbye to his contribution to the demise of music as a whole. You can't even hip hop that is dead anymore. He has shown up in places where good musicians are and ruined them entirely...It's like a cancerous infection that has spread through all genres. Nothing is safe or sacred!

3. Politics; Republican style
I don't even want to go into detail. The names alone should cover it; George W. Bush, Sarah Palin, and John McCain. I would include Joe The Plumber but he isn't a registered voter, he has no say so.

2. Being unhappy at work.
I have struggled. Struggled... to stay put. But 09 is mine and this job is not. I paid my dues and the dues of people who left business unfinished. I got to go people!

1. Drama
If it wasn't a relationship problem, it was a family problem, or a friend's problems. Foreclosures, incarcerations, health issues, job loss. My loved ones have been through it and back this year. It was hard to find happiness.

And I can woosah, now that is it all less than 10 hours away from offically being "in the past".


Monday, December 29, 2008

Black Women Walking

A few days ago KB and I were talking and he asked "how often do guys hit on you". Without so much as a second thought, I replied "every single day". The surprise on his face called for further explanation. My response?

"I am very shapely. It has nothing to do with my beauty, my smile or anything I could actually consider an attribute. It is my body. No matter how how pissed I look, how tired or exhausted I am, whether I am dressed professionally, in Uggs and jeans, or a burlap sack...they look at me and think sex. That is it. So it is hardly flattering."

He sighed. I sighed. Nothing more was said.

On a daily basis, I am inspected by the men I come into contact with. In the same way that a food is checked for quality assurance, myself and millions of other black women, are dissected by the men we walk by. There is always a feeling of being scrutinized. We are judged by some misogynistic criteria, after which we are catcalled. Every single day.

On one particular day, in 1998, 16 year old Adailah Gaither was gunned down at a bus stop for refusing to give a young man her phone number.


Let that soak in for a moment.

For refusing to give a young man her phone number. While nothing I have gone through equates such a tragic end to her young life, the thought has crossed my mind. I have wondered if saying something in my own defense would lead to some sort of violence on more than one occasion.

But my experience is my own. And the next woman may feel very differently. Which is why I was surprised that this young girl's death has inspired a documentary. In the film, Black Women Walking, several ladies detail their experiences being harassed by black men in passing.

Upon hearing about the video, my initial reaction was..."ok??" How could a documentary define this phenomenon? I wasn't sure that this was something that needed extensive exploration. I've talked about my own experience in a post or two, but the magnitude of the problem was lost on me until watching a youtube snippet.

What really hit home for me was the young woman who said "Anytime I pass by a black dude, or a big group of them, I expect something to be said. And sometimes I am actually surprised when they don't say anything at all."

Her words were so simple, but when she spoke them I realized that it really isn't about how shapely you are. It has nothing to do with weight, complexion, height, or any of our vast differences. It is a scrutiny that knows no preference...other than female. How many of us are going through this daily?

Saturday, December 27, 2008

The End of the Experiment

Gifts aside I have gotten more out of the experiment than I ever anticipated. I truly feel closer to my man and more secure in our relationship. We weren't headed to Splitsville but we might have been on our way to monotony. The Five Love Languages gave me a reference point, a compass, and a flashlight. With those tools I was able to lead us into a better understanding of each other's true needs.

I know all the ladies are curious about the big gift. Well all but Ms. S because I was chatting with her when I figured out what it was. I can only say that Diamonds are Forever. It's not a ring but I did get some bling.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas!!!!

Merry Christmas to all my readers and loved ones. I hope that we can all take time before (or after) opening presents and reacquaint ourselves with the real reason for this season.

Love and laugh...enjoy the company of others. But most importantly be thankful for all the things that you do have, in this economy blessings fall short.


Wednesday, December 24, 2008

She Said 'This Will Come Back to You'

And it did...

Tuesday afternoon I sat in McDonald's finishing up my lunch and playing Bejeweled on my Blackberry. An older disheveled woman sat down at the table adjacent to mine. I noticed her because she coughed a couple times, which always makes me uneasy (see the movie Outbreak). I made a mental note to focus less on the game and more on my meal.

She excused herself and asked if I had the time. Even with my limited social skills, I immediately realized this would be a sign of the onset of a conversation. I stopped playing the game and let her know what time it was.

"I am hungry. Do you know if this restaurant will accept food stamps?" she asked. I sighed, realizing my "I doubt it" would almost certainly be followed a financial request.

I have grown skeptical of all people in the Downtown Boston area. Having worked there for a year, I have heard heartfelt stories of struggle and stories of straight up, organic, bullshit. But more often than not, it is hard to differentiate the two. I've taken this to mean that I should trust no one. But a voice in my heart said "trust her".

She did not ask for my money. I finished my meal in silence. The voice said "offer".

I struggled. I tried to reason that the money in my pocket was not my own. My aunt had given me a $20 to buy something for her and I was carrying her change. "Give it to her" the voice petitioned. The inner rebellion withdrew and although she still hadn't outright asked for my help, I gave her $5.

She showered me with praise and thanked me continuously. The woman was obviously grateful and sincere. Just as I stood up to leave she said "God will bless you. This will come back to you."
Sure, I'd hoped it was true but I did not give it to her in the hopes of reciprocation. My journey in The Experiment has taught me to give without inhibition. The voice, the Lord's voice, told me to...and I did what I was told. No (further) questions asked.

So I went to the ATM and took out a $20 so that I could give my aunt her change. I thought nothing more of the incident.

Until today.

I came home from work and checked the mailbox. Amongst the bills and Christmas cards was an envelope from my weekend job. A check was enclosed.

Now this is a place where I do administrative work twice per month. I was not expecting a check, a bonus, nothing of the sort. The only thing I am waiting for from them is my W2 and the year isn't over yet. Curiously I read the letter before opening the check.

The letter says that a former resident has donated a significant about of money and that they have chosen to pass that donation onto the staff. The check...a modest $25...instantly brought me back to her words.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

If It Isn't Love

(No that is not a plug for my book...glad it's in your thoughts though. Coming soon I promise!)

Call me a Bostonian but I think New Edition hit the nail on the head with that one. For those who lived under a rock in the late 80's the song I am referring to has a line that says "If it isn't love, why does it hurt so bad...make me feel so sad inside".

Before I go any further, I would like to put my disclaimer out there. Early! For reader clarity, I do not mean emotional, physical, or verbal abuse. I am referring to sibling rivalry, the rough patch in an otherwise heaven sent union, teen angst, and the like.

Why does love hurt? Not only the act of loving those we are are committed to, sometimes loving family and friends can be strenuous. We grow weary, we pull away, but eventually we go right back. Why? Love is such a powerful emotion that pain will inevitably be associated with it's adversary...hurt. I guess, Newton's Law applies to emotion too; for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction.

Think about it. Do we care as much if it isn't love? Of course not. Think back to your most recent argument, fight, the last time you shed tears and retrieve the hurt feelings. Omit the loved one and replace it with someone you have no feelings for...does the situation pan out the same way? Do you feel the same frustration?

This time recall the perfect place, the perfect time, and most loving experience. Remember this isn't just about your boyfriend or girlfriend so don't get all freaky. The impromptu snowball fight with friends, the time you and your brother beat your mother at scrabble...those times. If you replaced that loved one with (again) someone you have no feelings for, is the memory as meaningful?

If it isn't love, no it doesn't hurt as bad...but it also doesn't feel as good. And I, for one, am willing to sacrifice a few heartaches for some good quality experiences.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Not Enough Time

With Christmas nearing it is time for all the last minute shoppers to rustle up all the tokens of love that are leftover from mall sales. Me? I finished my shopping weeks ago: I have a few accessories to pick up here and there but the bulk of my shopping is done.

KB? Lord, give me strength. He has made several failed attempts to go shopping. Is he putting forth a genuine effort?.. probably not. But he does have four days left, so I will save my unkind words til the 26th.

Today, under the stress of a fast approaching deadline, he revealed that his intent was to go to his friend's family jewelry store and buy me the diamond stud earrings I have been fixated on for the past two years. But intent and $0.99 can buy me a jr cheeseburger deluxe at Wendy's.

Wait. I said I was saving the unkind words. But fo' real y'all, I just don't get it. Male ehem readers...please explain this to me. You have the entire month of December to visit this store. You know what you want to get. Why is it so hard?

I have never dated a man that was so clueless when it comes to gift giving. I am trying to be objective but I don't get it. Here I am making an effort to be more affectionate, to perform more acts of service. I am not really feeling the reciprocation, though.

***3:00 am update. As an insomniac I am usually up at this time. Today when I woke up and headed to the living room to watch tv, I found KB sitting at the computer. He switched the screens and steered me toward the couch, instantaneously. My thought? It's either porn or gifts, lol. Turned out to be gifts.

I guess the moral of the story is, I cannot expect anyone else to operate the way I do. Just because my Christmas shopping was done before November ended doesn't mean everyone else's was or even should have been.

Do I think he'll come through? Honestly? Hmph, I plead the fifth. But I will acknowledge that he is trying. And I am definitely not mad at the gift he has his sights on!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Friday Fuck You-Bullshit

Slightly different than Denial, bullshit is a bold-faced lie.Bullshit is the communication of fallacies to protect one's own interests. I, my dears, am extremely allergic to bullshit.

It literally causing a chemical imbalance in me. Nothing infuriates me more than bs and being accused of bsing. Why? Because bs is not the kind of lie that you tell for the greater good "no, you do not look fat", "yes Santa will still come visit us even though we live in the bricks", "let him go girl! One day he will realize exactly what he is missing". No BS is bland, tasteless, liaration*

Fuck You Bullshit. I'm getting all congested just mentioning it, can smell you from a mile away.

Bullshit is easily detectable. Remember "Stutter" by Joe? "I can tell you're lying cuz when you're replying stutter stutter, st-st-stutter stutter"

Here's the top eight list of suspicious behaviors (i.e bs detectors):
-A change in the voice's pitch.
-A change in the rate of speech.
-A sudden increase in the number of "ums" and "ahs."
-A change in eye contact. Normally, one makes eye contact one-quarter to one-half of the time. If suddenly, at the convenient moment to lie, he's staring at you or looking away, beware.
-Turning his body away from you, even if just slightly.
-Suddenly being able to see the white on the top and bottom of a person's eyes, not just the sides.
-A hand reaching, even if momentarily, to cover part of the face, especially the mouth.
-Nervous movement of feet or legs.

Consider yourselves immunized!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Dear Readers

It is hard to believe that I am fast approaching my centennial. My 100th post. There are people out there who do not comment, but are just as amused my by ramblings as Ms. S, MyMoneyDream, RunningMom. It's true!

I want to get to know you guys better. I have readers in Lebanon, Italy, South Africa and have no idea what brings them here. I feel like JayZ, "You could be anywhere in the world but you're here with me. And I appreciate that". So to show you just how much I love you guys, I have decided to do a contest. This contest is only for the shy! I encourage you all to voice your opinions. Let yoour voice be heard!

Comment on a post written between today and my 100th post and I will randomly choose one lucky winner. I will announce said winner on the 100th post*; they will receive a $10 iTunes gift card**. What say ye??

*anticipated contest end date is January 9th
**yes $10. It's a recession people!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Asleep at the Wheel???

As the day trickles to an end I figured I'd visit my go to spot for a good laugh. Everybody needs a good chuckle on a Monday right? This is one of my favorite blogs because it confirms that the residents of Boston are indeed one of a kind. The Boston Police Department has a blog that updates visitors on some of the more peculiar offenses that have taken place in the city. At the risk of public embarrassment, I had to share with my readers, the ridiculousness my fellow Bostonians get themselves into.

With this one I found myself at a loss for words (Yes KB, we know, me with nothing to say is nothing short of phenomenal)

Asleep on the Job

This morning around 1:25AM, officers from District A-1 (Downtown) were on patrol in the area of 75 West School St. in Charlestown when they went around the back of the building. There, officers observed a man sleeping in the driver’s seat.

Officers checked the registration of the car and that checked revealed the car was stolen in the South End on 12/13/08. Officers woke up the sleeping suspect and placed him under arrest. During an inventory check of the car, offices recovered jacket with a plastic bag with several pieces of jewelry in a plastic bag with price tags along with a cell phone. When asked about the jacket, the suspect denied ownership of the jacket, however officers found pictures of the suspect in the cell phone. The suspect was arrested and charged with Receiving a Stolen Motor Vehicle, and Receiving Stolen Property.
Now see, I told you. No words.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Friday Fuck You- The First (and sometimes lasting) Impression

Ms. S and I have been discussing the roles male friends play in our lives. While we both agree that these friendships are solid and genuine, I feel as though my friendships with will forever be tainted by the first impression of me.

Of my three closest male friends (one of which I refer to as my brother) two of them came into my life trying to get into my pants. They got to know me for who I am, through being politely rejected. The third, was a little more subtle in his quest because I had no idea he even looked at me that way until we came back from hanging out one night. We were too intoxicated to dare drive anywhere so I crashed on the futon in his dorm.

***admin note: Before the story continues, I will reiterate that this was (and is to this day) one of my dearest friends. There were many sleepovers, many drunken nights, no fondling, no kissing, nothing. It was completely natural for me to spend the night in his room. And UNHEARD OF for him to expect any to come of it.

Imagine my surprise when he suggested that I join him in the bed? Miraculously the room stopped spinning, and suddenly I was sober as hell. I spoke without slurred speech when I replied "I am quite comfortable right here, THANK YOU. And if you do not stay waaay over there where you belong I will kick you in your neck." Yes, he too, was declined. Just not as politely.

The question remains, how did three of my bestest friends every get the impression that they, that WE, could have been anything more? Dare I ask, as Ms. S so boldly did? Seems silly, when I already know the answer. When the fellas met me, they saw a pretty face and curves, as do most men. They had scandalous thoughts, as do most men.

They didn't know me for me yet; even though we are as tight as Mariah Carey's clothes now...they weren't looking at me for anything resembling friendship back then. That's the reality of it.

Fuck You, first impressions. My body is a wonderland but your name isn't Alice.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Slow and Steady

Per the request of Running Mom and Ms. S here are a few updates with regard to The Experiment. Which has been in effect 9 days;

1. We went out to eat. Virtually unheard of since our first year together.
2. I woke up yesterday morning to find the entire kitchen and living room spit shined, polished, and showroom ready. The man cleaned!
3. I am hearing "thank you" more frequently (though to be completely honest it sounds rehearsed)

Though this is not a drastic improvement I would definitely say we are on the right track. As always, stay tuned.

**Admin note: I was sorting (read NOT snooping) the laundry and found a picture of the Coach purse I want printed directly off of Coach's website. Which would explain his being so adamant about going to the mall alone. I may actually be getting what I want for Christmas. MAY being the operative word.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Happiness Runs in a Circular Motion

May the smiles of many friends dance in your heart

Did you know that the happiness of those around you is contagious? A recent study suggests that simply surrounding yourself by positive energy will ultimately inflate your own happiness. It is virtually an emotional virus.

To piggyback off of Friday's post; I've been thinking about happiness and contentment for a few weeks. I don't think it would be far-fetched at all to assume that it is an emotion we are all in pursuit of. An ideal. If there is anything you could do to achieve that you would certainly do so. So take a fair assessment; are the people in your immediate circle happy?

I realize that there are more than enough melancholy friends in mine. People I talk to on a daily basis that don't really have very much good news to share. I will absolutely include myself in that, because I know I am guilty of ranting. Going forth, I will have to make it a point to spend more time with happier people. Smile for no reason at all. And say hello to the friends of friends who always have a smile on their face. And maybe my new found glee will, in turn, rub off on the discontented few.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Crackberry Anonymous

My name is Dorchester's Daughter and I am addicted to my Blackberry

(readers collectively say "Hi DD!)

It's been 4 days and you'd think it was surgically implanted to my hand. You know what? that I say that, may not be such a bad idea, lol. I am already that person who does not look at you when you are speaking because they are discussing while distracted.

All hell broke loose when I turned it on initially and there was already a Facebook application. Didn't even have to download it? This can't be right. You mean I don't have to sit in front of my computer ignore random friend requests? Let the annoyed say Amen!

Last night I went on and downloaded ringtones for KB and my mom*. Today I am going to grab Bejeweled** and Ms. Pacman. There are free applications and downloads on the Blackberry website.

During the work day she sits right beside the computer monitor. Just can't bear to put her in my purse. Dare I miss something?! Good Lord hold my hand...or take it out of my hand. Either way, cuz I just know this thing is gonna be trouble.

Somebody help me!

*Can I just tell you that the ringtone for my mom is hysterical. If any TMobile customer has any sort of anxiety at all about seeing their mom's name on the caller id, please download Katt Williams "your mother is calling".

**The game that damn near cost me my education in college. I don't even know how many classes I missed because I spent 4 and 5 hours straight trying to beat my own high score.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

It's Just Like a Mini-mall

I'd begun this post trying to explain why this was initially so funny to me. I flustered with the right words. Nothing sounded witty enough, intellectual enough, ironic enough. No words could quite capture why I sat here and watched it 3 times over and over. I even came up with a few anecdotes about my relationship with the cousin who introduced it to me. But nothing I wrote captured the very essence of it's hilarity. Finally I realized, some things just don't need to be explained...

Friday, December 5, 2008

Friday Fuck You- Pessimism

By definition, pessimism is the tendency to see, anticipate, or emphasize only bad or undesirable outcomes, results, conditions, problems. Not to be confused with being realistic, pessimism is almost flu like. It starts in your head and pretty soon your whole body aches as a result. I've been feelin that ache these past couple days. I need to recoop and regroup!

There is nothing wrong with being a realist. I am and always will be...but at the same token I find myself walking that very fine line between the two. And lately it seems like I am spending more time on the pessimistic side of the field. All that is going to change!

Fuck You. Pessimism meet the emotional equivalent of Theraflu, Sudafed, and Nyquil. I am about to be over you.

Moving forward my new motto is...

Believe while others are doubting.
Plan while others are playing.
Study while others are sleeping.
Decide while others are delaying.
Prepare while others are daydreaming.
Begin while others are procrastinating.
Work while others are wishing.
Save while others are wasting.
Listen while others are talking.
Smile while others are frowning.
Commend while others are criticizing.
Persist while others are quitting.
Believe While Others-By William Arthur Ward

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Progress is a slow process

and patience is a virtue.

To night I got a little bit of that old romance back. Those butterflies I had early days when I literally thought KB was my Prince Charming. I felt them.

The most insignificant thing will invoke that in a woman. Guys need to know that.

We went to Applebees. Now I did say insignificant, did I not? Well Ms. S. knows more than anybody else but I have been dying for KB to take me. We usually eat cooked meals, leftovers, etc. He isn't into eating out, doesn't trust restaurants, needs to see who is cooking his food, and a laundry list of other excuses.

But I wanna go to Applebees! They have that $20 deal going on and I have been fascinated by the idea of an appetizer AND two entrees for $20. In this economy?! So I watch the commercial like a 3 year old admires the newest Tickle Me Elmo....just hoping that one day we will go.

Well tonight after work, we changed into our sweats and headed on down to our neighborhood Applebee's (did I mention it is literally on my street?).

I had the best time I have had with him in months. MONTHS! I laughed so hard I had a cramp in my side. For the life of me I cannot remember what the hell was so funny! But we laughed!... Together! And not at a tv show or movie! We laughed with each other.

Talk about a breakthrough!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The First Hurdle

Remember when Sisqo went solo (I swear I am going somewhere with this)? He had a song called Is Love Enough? And even though it has only been 24 full hours since I committed to trying to love KB better, I find myself wondering is love enough? Is it?

I know y'all are like "Dang, this heffa gave up already?!" Well, no I haven't given up per se...I am just trying to be emotionally aware of the affect this commitment will have on me. I've been making a conscience effort to try to be more like Beyonce 'n dem, in Cater 2 U. The mannerisms and behaviors of a catering woman are not inherent in me. These are learned behaviors.

IN learning, I've been very introspective. So when I notice that I have to make a conscious effort to smile while I serve his dinner or iron his clothes, it's a red flag.

Maybe it is my need for instant gratification. There needs to see some level of sincere gratitude. I understand completely that having a "traditional" woman is desired; a man wants the kind of wife who serves him his dinner on a piping hot plate, clears the dishes, lights a candle, and then rocks his world. I get that. Hell I might even date a woman, if I could have that!

But let it be known that we (myself and 95% of the women I know) are not like that. We work just as hard, and need just as much respect. So when I am making a significant effort to be more representative of that image, I deserve a thank you. I deserve a rose every once in a while. I deserve reciprocity. And I do not think I can wait however long it will take for him to acknowledge that I am doing what does not come naturally to me, to make him happy. I am not going to get that if he is viewing it has me "finally" coming to terms with the role I am supposed to take as the woman of the house.

I can't give up, though. Once I give up on trying, I give up completely. I already had one foot out the door and if THIS doesn't work, the other will soon follow. More than anything, I want to see if this change will make a difference. I just don't want to get to the finish line and have done all that I can, and get absolutely nothing in return.

Monday, December 1, 2008

The Experiment

I read The Five Love Languages in about three days. It was really a common sense look at why KB and I don't see eye to eye. The things I am looking for a symbol of love are not on his radar, and vice versa. It really is that simple. So many of the things said in our big fights were indicators but nothing made it as plain as Gary Chapman.

The most important lesson learned was that the emotionally high of being "in love" only lasts for so long. After that it is about making a choice to do the things that express love in your partner's eyes. Not in your own. Me buying KB all the gifts in the world is not going to show him I love him in the way that making him breakfast would.

In light of this ah ha moment, I have conjured a plan. Twice a day for the next 24 days, I am going to speak to KB in his primary and secondary love languages. If all goes well, he in turn, will be so overcome with love that he will buy me a wonderfully splendid Christmas gift (which would technically be him speaking to me in my primary love language). And the holidays will indeed be happy!

Stay tuned!

Friday, November 28, 2008

The Five Love Languages

***admin note. It seems wrong to follow a post about praise, thanks, and rejoicing with an f* you so I am keeping the spirit of love through the weekend (at the very least).

KB and I have (more than) a few fundamental differences. As a man from the islands, he is traditional in his view of a woman's role. I, personally, think that barefoot and pregnant look is so outdated! But I digress...

After doing a lil "are we doomed" google search I came across an article by Gary Chapman. He suggests that each individual has a love language, a way that love is communicated to them. A couple who speaks two different love languages would share the same difficulty a person speaking in English to someone who only speaks Russian.

The Five Love Languages are;

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

In that brief article I determined that my love language was likely receiving gifts while KB's was almost certainly acts of service. I immediately decided to purchase Gary's book, which arrived Wednesday night. I went straight to the chapter on what I perceived to be my own love language and I was FLOORED. It was like the man knew me personally!

I encourage you all to pick it up; borrow it from the library, flip through it at a bookstore, do whatever. I promise you, it is going to change outlook on your relationships. Not just with significant others, with close friends, family members, everyone near and dear to you.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

to all my readers!

Today is a day that we can look back at 2008 and just be grateful for what we do have. If on no other day, TODAY, we can give thanks for what we have achieved, and rejoice in all there is to look forward to.

Let's put things into perspective. One of my favorite gospel songs says;
I've had some good days
I've had some hills to climb
I've had some weary days
And some sleepless nights
But when I look around
And I think things over
All of my good days
Out-weigh my bad days
I won't complain

My wish for you all is that on this day, in spite of everything your good days out weigh you bad. Happy Holidays readers, my gift to you is John Legend singing that very song! Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Love ya!

Monday, November 24, 2008

10 Days

that changed my life forever...

I read a post by Running Mom that led to me doing a little soul searching. Initially, I could only come up with one. The one that I mention all the time because it really did change the course of my life. But I know that as monumental as the birth of my brother is, it isn't the only significant day in my 28 years.

Then I realized that I was just plain scared to look back. In the way that a scar reminds you of a time when you were in pain, the way that a fragrance reminds you of an old love; thinking about those things would undoubtedly make me rehash those feelings.

I had to remind myself that significant does not equate painful. And cowering is far worse than rehashing. I hope my honesty will inspire others in the way Running Mom's inspired me. In chronological order of events, I present my cheers, tears, and jeers;

1. The 1st birthday of Dorchester's Daughters lil bro. It was literally the exact moment in my life that I realized the world did not revolve around me. I remember every emotion I felt as a six year old kid on the outside of everything looking in. My memory may be slightly distorted but I don't even think anyone came said hi to me, don't remember being fed. Nothing but the complete loneliness of no longer being adored. It sounds vein, I know it does. But to go from the world is your oyster to not even being an after thought at such a young age?...that is a bitter pill to swallow.

2.The day my mom kicked me out of the house. To understand the magnitude of this you need to understand that I was not an unruly teenager. I was 18 years old, had just graduated high school and was about to start a new job. I was saving money to go off to college in a few short months. I had had a good (not great) report cards, I had always done what I was told. The adventures in my teenage years were that of any average teen. So when I returned home from spending the weekend at my friend's house to find my belongings packed, it was nothing short of alarming. And to make matters worse, she'd moved all my brother's things into my room. There was no explanation, no accusations, nothing. Just "you don't live here anymore, nobody wants you here".

3. Bradford College closing. I was a freshman. I had no idea what I wanted to be or where my life was headed since I was estranged from my mother. The day before we left for Thanksgiving break they invited the entire campus to the theater to announce that the college was closing. To say I was heartbroken would be an understatement. No home, no school, no nothing. I could not fathom anyone's luck being worse than my own. In fact, I apologized to my friends and told them it was my fault. I said this is something that would only happen to me and I had hurt them all in the process.

4. Returning to/graduating from a 4 year college. After Bradford closed I was lost. I'd applied for transfers to a few different schools but honestly had no intention of going back. But, with the encouragement of an old high school teacher, I took a semester off to clear my thoughts and gave college another try. In 2004 , I crossed the stage wearing the biggest grin my face had seen in years. It was about more than the degree; it was my first real feeling of accomplishment, and a true sense of triumph over adversity.

5. The day I met KB. Whether we are together forever or it ends tomorrow, this relationship has been the biggest challenge of dating life. I have had a series of superficial experiences with men. There has been no depth, no real sense of commitment until now. It is an existence that has forced me to look at myself and examine who I am and the kind of girlfriend, wife, and mother I want to be.

6. The loss of my baby. I cannot expound at this time, this is still a very open wound for me but I hope to be able to talk about it openly one day.

7. "Breaking up" with a friend. Ironically, this was a friend who I'd kept at bay for various reasons. We met in college and though we shared some great times together, something in me never fully trusted this girl. We remaned fairly close for 5 years and one day she lost her ever-loving mind. I won't go into detail. Let's just say she came out of her face and ties were severed. My outlook on instinct is forever changed because of this relationship. Never second guess a gut feeling.

8. The last time I saw my father. After my parents broke up my father became a part time figure in the lives of my brother and I. I'd always felt closer to him than my mom, even though over the years, he'd put in less and less quality time. The very last time we saw him, we'd heard that he'd had a stroke and was/is very sick. We went to visit him a few days later. Seeing the man that had so many comings and goings in my life morphed into a man who needed help to hold a spoon, broke something in me.

9. The day I decided to actively pursue publishing. Not only will publishing bring my writing to the forefront, but it will highlight the writing of my peers.

10. Today. Admitting the impact of these moments has given me an amorous outlook on my life. These are the moments make me.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Friday Fuck You; Writer's Block

The Friday Fuck You has returned after a one week hiatus!

As I mentioned, I have hit a little bit of a road block with my writing. I have very little inspiration to write about anything these days. Even though I have ideas, I just can't seem to get them out...and that leads to lulls in posts. I promised my readers three posts per week and sometimes I can't even think of three sentences. But my promises, like the circle, will be unbroken!

Fuck You. Writer's Block can kick rocks with jellies on!

I am going to bang out three per week even if I gotta ramble about people who annoy me at work, lol. Believe me, I have enough of those stories to get me through all of 09! Stay tuned!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

It Was All a Dream

Ever since I was a kid, I have had recurring dreams. These vivid stories vary in the onset of the dream sequence but take on the same ending. As a kid, the ending was always hearing the doorbell walking to it and just as I was about to open it I was viciously attacked.

In my adolescence (and even sometimes now) the ending would harp on my fears of water and have me walk over a bridge suspended above a big body of water. I always make it to the other side but literally by the skin of my teeth (why do people say that?).

My most recent recurring dream is almost a nightmare. Just as scary as the other two but with a serene aura about it;

It always starts out at a family gathering in a park. Sort of like the part of Poetic Justice where they crash a family reunion. I take this baby across the street to do something (this part usually varies); and when we get across the street it starts raining. I take her and stand under a tree. While I am sheltering her, there is an earthquake. I hold her closer to me because there is disaster around us. Things are falling on people, they are falling. All kinds of mess. She is very calm through the whole thing. A guy gets hurt in front of us and I try to distract him by talking to him as he lays and waits for help. He asks the baby's name and I tell him "Angelica", he says it means "angel" in his language (appears to be Italian or something) and that she is protecting me from the pain. Then he gets washed away in the floods from the rain and earthquakes.

The verdict is still out on what it all means. I have taken a few cues from a dream interpretation site that I use frequently. See the analysis below;

To dream of an earthquake, suggests that you are experiencing a major "shake-up" that is threatening your stability and foundation. The dream highlights you insecurity, fears and sense of helplessness. If you find cover from the quake, you will overcome these challenges.

To dream that you get wet from the rain, signifies that you will soon be cleansed from your troubles and problems. Rain also symbolizes fertility and renewal.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

If You Liked It Then You Shoulda Put A Ring On It

That's what I was singing, Sunday afternoon while I doing the prep work for dinner that evening. KB looked at my curiously for a few minutes before mustering the nerve to finally ask "why do you like that song so much?".

I had no answer. None that I could explain to him anyway!

The source of his curiosity was obvious. I have no ring on my finger, I am not technically single. He is obviously wondering why I figure I can relate. After all, any song a girl sings with such vigor...she can surely relate.

And I do. I, like thousands of other women, relish in the thought of flaunting my new ish in an old flame's face. We need to be able to prove we can survive without you, prove that we can be happier without you than we ever were with you. Whether it be a better body, a new swag, or in my case the replacement who I am halfway down the aisle with. So, no, there's no ring on it, but the sentiment is still there;

"You had your turn

but now you gonna learn

what it really feels to miss me.

Cuz If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

Don’t be mad once you see that he want it"

Simple as that! All my single ladies, put your hands up!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Man Listen....

Guys I have no excuse. There was no F-You for Friday, no weekend anecdotal, nothing I've noticed. I got nothing folks. I am coming down off my Obama high and reality bites. What more can I say?


I still love ya though. Stay tuned. I promise I'll come back fresh. I am in the midst of reading Dreams of My the time I am done, I'll have all kinds of inspiration.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Friday Fuck You; Immune Difficiency

I've been sick. I had something in close proximity to the flu (though I had my flu shot) last week. Hence the late Friday post. I know, I missed me.

In order to fight off the bug, I tried something a little different. Instead of taking cold medicine, I purchased vitamins that are known for boosting the immune system. I've been pumping my body full of Vitamin C, Cod Liver Oil, and Green Tea supplements. I figured rather than medicate the problem, I could just as easily strengthen the system that fights these viruses in the first place...hoping that will prevent it from happening again anytime soon. I gotta tell ya, with the supplements it's been a lot easier. It's been less than five days and most of my symptoms are gone.

I literally feel stronger; and it got me to thinking. This feeling. This strength, is what the Obama presidency has given us. Yes, I did go there!

Fuck You. I am immune to "the man"!

It is not because our president is minority that we are encouraged. It is because he is capable, because he is intelligent, because he has the potential to do great things. It was not a Affirmative Action, not a handout, not luck, not consolation that helped him win the election. It was his optimism, integrity, strength, and determination. And it didn't hurt that his immune system is strong. Stronger than many of his minority counterparts, because unlike him we have grown accustomed to standing in our own way.

There are implications that somehow the Obama win has erased racism in America. It hasn't. America is, and frankly always will be, a divided country. The new president cannot change that, just as he cannot change the damage that has already been done. What his win means is more accurately defined as is a boost in our immune system. There will continue to be prejudices, injustice, discrimination, and a host of other barriers. But we can fight that off! Because of what Barack has accomplished, we can break through those barriers, jump over those hurdles, and see past those obstacles. Yes the bar is set twice as high, but we can climb three times as far. Yes, we can.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Yes We Can

I give credit to any writer who can formulate the words that describe how monumental today is. I have been searching for the right ones since last night (and I am rarely speechless).

Throughout this campaign I have heard "Yes We Can" so many times; and tiny voice deep down in my spirit that asked the question "Can we?" in response. I didn't believe it with a whole heart.

I hadn't ever dreamed that big, aspired that far. But he did.

I remember being in elementary school and getting that ruler. Remember? The one that had all the presidents on it? I'd look at it every time I used it, and not once did it occur to me that any other face could join the elite group. Never even crossed my mind. But he thought about it.

I remember the jokes about Bill Clinton being the first black president. I thought he'd be the only. But he didn't.

For him possibilities were endless, because he never set boundaries as to how far he could go. There was no finish line in his eyes. That is what made the difference. That is how he earned the title, President Elect Barack Obama.

Now every single minority in America can dream a little bigger. Strive a little further. It's almost like being given a key to a door that has been locked for hundreds of years, an age old secret revealed, a missing puzzle piece. It is all of that- and more- encompassed by three simple words. Yes. We. Can.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Everybody Has a Story

I watched an Oprah episode years ago that still resonates with my heart. It was about the assumptions we make about people and how we are often wrong in our prejudgment. Everyone one has a story; you can not judge a book by it's cover because you will almost always be wrong about its content.

Though the episode was enlightening, being human I still make that mistake. I say things like "That's just [insert name of friend whose behavior is typical of them] and never second guess what causes them to be that way. But everytime the true reveals itself, my heart sinks and I am reminded that this person I dismissed is the way he/she is for a real reason.

I have a friend who has always been eccentric. We've always loved this person for their quirks but would dismiss their behavior as though it was in their nature. Recently, I found out it is deeper than that; this behavior is more biological than characteristic. I have been grieving for a few days now, because I am guilt-ridden. For everytime I laughed at a joke that poked fun, for everytime I shook my head, rolled my eyes, or sighed, for everytime I was impatient; I am deeply sorry. I am even a bit ashamed.

It all makes sense now. And, ironically, it shouldn't have to. Learning that someone has a troubled past or a mental disorder does not excuse YOUR behavior. Whether or not that detail was disclosed, that person should not have been mistreated in the first place. As a person, one should accept and love others without regard to perception.

I thought I learned a lot from the episode of Oprah. Maybe I did not learn enough.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Friday Fuck You-Denial

Yes, Denial. I am so sick and damn tired of people who refused to acknowledge defeat. I am all for resilience but sometimes you just have to claim your loses. Suck it up, move on, LET. IT. GO.

Fuck You, Denial. When it's over, it's over.

Early Tuesday morning I was watching the news as I prepared for my workday. The headlining story was about Diane Wilkerson, the State Senator for the region of Boston I grew up in. Why did she make the news this time? Sure as hell wasn't her re-election campaign! It appears she allegedly accepted eight bribes worth just over $23k in an undercover FBI operation. There are pictures plastering the television and Internet of this woman BODLY taking what appears to be cash incentives into her possession. One series in particular depicting her placing something into her bra. All photos were taken at a restaurant directly across the street from the State House (i.e. her job)

As the story unfolds, I have decided I will remain diplomatic. I am not going to make any assumptions or any conclusions. These are images I have seen via tv and Internet. I listened to her side of things on the radio this morning (or what she is allowed to say) and she confident that the truth will come to light. I was not there, I cannot account for anyone's actions but my own. I will say this though, it IS time to let go. Whether or not it is what it appears to be, one thing is clear. She has been backed into a corner, and will not accept defeat. She is trying to come back from a TKO right now.

In short, she is fighting a losing battle and denial is not going to help her win. Hold your head high, laugh it off, do what you have to to restore your pride. But please! Please let it go

Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Kabalarian Philosophy

What's in a name? For those who study Kabala a name is directly connected to who you are as an individual. To quote their view on the significance;

Your name is extremely important. Your name is your life!
It is how you identify yourself.
It is how others identify you.
The more insight you have into the powerful influence of your name,
the greater opportunity to enjoy the success you are capable of achieving.
This web site will show you there is more to names and their meanings.

I learned that my own first name says this about me;
  • Your first name has given you inspirational, idealistic, and dramatic qualities.
  • You have a clever, deep mind and the talent to excel in highly inspirational lines of endeavor as a dramatist, musician, writer, or artist.
  • You can be lifted by beauty in all forms and are at the most creative when inspired.
  • Your expressive, affectionate nature responds quickly through your feelings, but you must guard against being possessive and jealous.
Now I realize very few of you actually know me, but that is ME! To find out what your own name says about you click here

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Imposter Syndrome-Part Deux

In a previous post, I discovered that I might be suffering from Imposter Syndrome. Since then I have tried to maintain an accurate assessment of my strengths and short comings.

Until today.

Today was my slightly overdue performance appraisal at work. I've been employed here just over a year so essentially I knew it was coming. What I did not foresee was the flattery parade. My supervisor has already discussed my weakness with me (double checking my work- as I am sure the reader's have noticed in my grammatical errors), so the meeting ended up being about all my strong suits. In a nutshell he told me that it is obvious that what I am doing is not something I should be doing long term. In fact, he said that if I am still in this position a year from now he will fire me. Yes, those were his words..."I will fire you". Ouch!

Naturally, I was taken aback by all this praise. These are not the kind of things I hear about me on a daily basis. What it made me realize more than anything is that I have a tendency to sell myself short. Imposter Syndrome or not, I should be reminded that I am a phenomenal woman. And my supervisor shouldn't be the one to remind me...I should!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Return to the Scene of the Crime

...that crime being sexual harassment.

When I started my job over a little over a year ago, the others decided to dump the task of going to the mailroom on me. I was the little guy on the totum pole so I didn't mind a little rookie hazing. What I did mind was the octogenarian in the male room who was inappropriately huggy!

I am not a naive woman; I know I have two rather large distractions on my upper torso. I fully expect that people (male and female-gay and straight) will seldom look me in the eye when they are speaking to me. But homeboy is a perve-albeit it a SpEd, senior citizen, perve- a perve no less. He'd do this not-so-subtle hug where he'd get me from the side and stares down at them. And he's a tiny thing, only up to my damn nostrils, the twins are at eye level. I am getting the chills thinking about it.

I was always uncomfortable asking the other girls if they'd noticed it...if they'd felt violated. I couldn't even form the words. But I felt that something must have caused them to pass the job off so quickly.

After I got my promotion, the task went to the new rookie. He was male so passing along the job didn't bother me. Fast forward through a faulty economy, a bit of organizational downsizing, and a hiring freeze and it becomes my job to make the mail run. Yet again.

I tip-toed down there quieter than a church mouse. Don't you know his sneaky pervy self caught me JUST as I was about to make my escape?! Holding one final piece of our department's mail. I tried to take it out of his hand while keeping a respectable difference...but NO!...maneuvered himself right next to the breast. He's a slippery one, slick as hell for a geezer!

Yall, I have no idea what to do. He is old, so I can't cuff him one. I really don't want to complain because again..he is old. If you are in your 80's and still working obviously you need an income-especially in this economy. The problem is, with a hiring freeze, there won't be anyone to take over any time soon. I'd be subjecting myself to his pervy ways until further notice. Can't do it. Cannot.

Should I talk to Employee Relations?

Friday, October 24, 2008

Friday Fuck You; Insomnia

For years I have had problems getting a full night's sleep. On a good night I sleep four consecutive hours, wake up, and nap periodically until it is finally time to get up. Yes, a good night. Any other time I sleep three to four hours and wake up. There's no napping, just a lot of late night programming on tv. They say "the freaks come out at night" for a reason. Late night tv is CRAZY

But I digress. I hadn't realized it was unnatural until recently when oh-wise-one himself (KB, for those who have not yet caught on to the fact that my boyfriend is somehow an expert on everything) declared me as an insomniac. Either way, what is important is that I need sleep. ASAP.

To Insomnia I say; Fuck You. Nighty night, I will sleep tight!

I spent a few minutes online researching natural remedies for insomnia. I refuse to take medication for this because the horror stories are far worse than a lil lack of sleep. Because I love you guys-my poor sleepless lovies- I've listed some of those natural remedies below;

  • Sleeping on your back relieves the pressure on your organs. It is easier to fall asleep and stay asleep.
  • Drink Chamomile tea
  • Do nothing stimulating right before bed; no listening to hardcore rap or rock. All that headbangin is not good for the weary. Also avoid foods and beverages with caffeine.
  • Try being more physically active during the day
  • Take a warm bath
  • (and my favorite) Have sex.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Seperate But Equal

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Maya Angelou

I have a vivid image of my grandmother branded in my conscious. The image of a woman who worked 8-12 hour days, came home, cooked, washed clothes, and kept her home. It was not because there was no husband, but because that husband had no role. He was neither the breadwinner nor the homemaker.

My grandmother supported her husband in every sense of the word*. And when you talk to her today she is tired...rightly so.

Maybe that picture is one of the many items, in my emotional baggage, that makes it such a heavy load. It is tied to feelings that have not yet been laid to rest; feelings of resentment I had toward my grandfather as a child. Resentment that today manifests itself in my own relationship. It is likely reason I give KB the side eye when he wakes up before me but asks me to help him get ready for the day, preparing his clothes and lunch. Or the source of my wrinkled brow when he digs into a laundry bag full of clean clothes and asks "can you put these away"? It could be the cause of confusion when I am asked to prepare a dinner plate for the man who cooked the meal in the first place.

It's not that I cannot do these things or that I am unwilling to. It is the mere fact that it is expected of me - as it was expected of my grandmother- because I am (we are) female. If I were at home all day and my man was bringing home the all means I'd do it all with a smile. At the same token, I would think if he was home all day, he'd do the housework. I am not home all day. I work just like he works and when I come home, I expect the same things. Unfortunately, expectation without communication or action leads to nothing but sour faces.

I do not want to resent my man. My grandmother has had a long stressful journey in companionship, and that is a road I would rather not follow. All I ask is that at the end of the day, I can come home to a man who has put a separate but equal amount of work into running our household. I can work with compromise! What I cannot work with is a man who has been there for hours, at the kitchen table, waiting for dinner (i.e. the grandpas of the world). That is not a picture I wanted painted for our future little ones; after all, they will never forget how we made them feel.

*My grandfather had a work related injury that caused him to go on disability. He was not, however, disabled. He was physically able and could have gotten a desk job or helped out around the house.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Jockin My Fresh

DD, has been on a shopping hiatus for about 3 weeks now. Oh, you got jokes? I'll have you know, I have not walked to the Holy Grail that is Downtown Boston and bought a single solitary item in three damn weeks. I have been at my job 14 months and have yet to stop shopping three weeks straight. That there is an accomplishment folks!

But this isn't about that! In lieu of shopping I have challenged myself to putting together outfits that I have not worn yet. Pairing a shirt with a skirt and blazer combo that has not been done, etc. It has been going very well. In fact, KB ambushed me on Friday night because he could not get over how phenomenal your girl looked!

And it seems KB isn't the only one that noticed. A co-worker who sits in the cubical next to mine has taken serious notice. It started with a compliment here and there, then graduated to a "wow, that is so pretty, where'd you get it?". Now she is straight up bold with it... wants me to detail the retailer of each garment I am wearing!

Initially, it made for good conversation, Lord knows we had little in common before fashion came up. Eh ehem... now I am a bit concerned. I quit this thing cold turkey and I've enjoyed finding new ways to appreciate the things I already own. But I feel like the extra attention and constant retail talks are going to lead to shopping! It is almost as bad as discussing drink recipes with a recovering alcoholic; eventually it will lead to a barhopping.

I cannot go backwards! Is there a polite way to say 'stop jockin my fresh'?...Jay wasn't very polite when he said it: "I can't teach you my swagg. You can pay for school but you can't buy class"

Friday, October 17, 2008

It's Funny...

I tell my cousin to be careful of the words she speaks. When she says she is going to fall, she falls. When she says she thinks she is coming down with something, she is flu-stricken. Time and time again, I've told her to watch what she says...maybe I should take my own advice.

KB has a thing for these two women;
Now they are gorgeous, don't get me wrong. Two beautiful minority women! But because it is KB, I always got jokes. What do they have in common? They both have a lazy eye! It is too easy, I have to poke fun.

"why you pick the two only women in Hollywood with a lazy eye? Is that your thing? Not a big butt, not a coke bottle body, not long legs, you have a thing for a lady with a lazy eye". And I would go hard with it too.

So imagine the irony when I went to the eye doctor today and she explained to me why my left eye is so weak. Turns out I have Keratoconus, which she then went onto say is commonly known as a...yeah...a freakin lazy eye! WTH?!

I mean obviously it isn't as bad as it could be. I mean it is a lazy eye not a wandering eye. But how messed up is it that I have been chucklin for the past few years over this and it's true! He really does have a thing for a lazy eyed lady. Yall, if it wasn't me I'd think this is hysterical!

Ms. S, I tell you all the time, it is amazing what words can do.

Friday Fuck You; The Estranged

I gotta tell ya, I am digging the one fuck you per week. A detailed "fuck you" speaks volumes! As always you are welcome to add your own in the comments section.

By Roget's dictionary definition, to estrange means to destroy the affections of. Today, I want to address the estranged folks. Those who I am no longer in touch with because they have destroy all the affection I had for them in my heart. Be it a an ex, a former friend, colleague, or associate...the sentiment is the same;

Fuck You. I am better without you in my life. Bishop T.D. Jakes said "People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story "

With the release of the movie Secret Lives of Bees, I have a constant reminder of an estranged friend. A few years ago we read that very book together and it was an awesome story. I cannot wait to see this movie! But while I anticipate watching the vivid storyline unfold on the big screen, I am saddened by the reminder of that lost friendship.

Yes, I might be a lil nostalgic hear or there. But I honestly do not regret the demise of the friendship. I would not change a single thing about how or why it ended. I know crazy when I see it, and crazy was all up in her aura those last few months. I mean, calling me at 5:00 am on Saturday morning to ask me if I've been talking to her man on the phone. Mind you , lovies, this is a man who I have literally only said hi to the entire two years they dated. And let's not even revisit the 5:00 am Saturday morning call! Yeah, crazy.

As bittersweet as it may be, you've got to let go. And even if it means you are the only friend you have,-after they've destroyed your affections- you are the only friend you'll need. You are STILL better without them in your life.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

The Adventures of Robin Hood and Joe-The Plumber

Last night, Joe- The Plumber somehow became the poster child for the American Dream. He is a man just a few short steps away from entrepreneurship. And in a comparison of very different tax plans from our presidential candidates, Joe dream will either come to fruition of become a dream deferred.

The ultimate goal of every American is success. That is what my family-and millions of others- migrated to this country for. Joe, a plumber in Ohio, has taking the initial steps to realize his dream. He would like to own the plumbing company he has dedicated himself to for the past 10+ years. According to Senator McCain, under the McCain administration Joe can buy the plumbing business and live happily ever after. But McCain is adamant that under the Obama administration, Joe's dream will be stifled. Obama is playing Robin Hood, robbing the rich of $5 in taxes and giving it to those who make under $250K. Sadly, Joe will not be unable to afford to take over the business because of the tax increase in the Obama plan.

Let's dissect Obama's tax plan, shall we? If earnings above $250k will be taxed 39% (instead of 36%), and Joe-The Plumber makes $350k, he would pay $39k instead of $36k in taxes on that $100k. Essentially he's paying $3000 more per $100k that he makes above $250k. How is this going to prevent him from buying the business??

I started my own business this year. I will be the first to tell Joe-The Plumber...that extra $3k in taxes he is paying is the LEAST of his concerns. There are so many hoops and hurdles, it is exhausting. If all I had to do was give up $3k in taxes, I would have done this a long time ago. Is he serious?

There is sacrifice in pursuing the American Dream, Joe, McCain, and Republican America. That dream is realized for some people earlier than others, but it is important that it is at least a possibility in the mind's eye for all. So if taking 3% from one to give to another makes Obama Robin Hood himself...I'll go out and buy him that green outfit. He already has the ears!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Emailing While Distracted

Everyday KB and I email each other periodic randomness. There is no real purpose to our back and forth. It is not as though we are in need of a daily check in; Since his recent graduation we commute together in the morning and are home at a relatively decent hour each night. No matter the reason for it, the banter gets us through the work day. Sometimes we email each other naughty, er, I mean sweet nothings... others they are one liners from movies. We complain about co-workers, remind each other about chores and plans. You know, couple crap!

In person, KB can be a very, long winded(?) person. Ok, translation- the boy can CHAT! But via email, I have noticed that every once in a while, no matter what I've written, his response is "ok!". Even when the original message is not something that would require an ok for a response. As in "is the moon gonna fall out of the sky this evening?", "ok" unrelated. I should also mention that the ok is followed by a more logical response 10 or so minutes later.

At times I am offended, though I do not mention it. I figure he is busy and cannot respond accordingly just yet. (I personally would just omit the "ok" and wait until I can commit to a complete sentence but hey...that's just me).

Today I decided to test the theory. Is he emailing while distracted?

From: Dorchester's Daughter [] Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:25 PMTo: KB
Subject: Get in My Belly

can we get beef fried rice for dinner?

-----Original Message-----From: KB []Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:22 PMTo: Dorchester's Daughter
Subject: RE: Get in My Belly


From: Dorchester's Daughter [] Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:30 PMTo: KB
Subject: RE: Get in My Belly

can I jump off the balcony at home?
-----Original Message-----From: KB []Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:34 PMTo: Dorchester's Daughter
Subject: RE: Get In My Belly

No! Are you goin crazy?

From: Dorchester's Daughter[] Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:37 PMTo: KB
Subject: RE: Get in My Belly

no, I just wanted to see if you actually read what I write or just tell me "ok"

-----Original Message-----From: KB []Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:42 PMTo: Dorchester's Daughter
Subject: RE: Get in My Belly

You don’t have nothing named sense in your head! crazy girl lol

Friday, October 10, 2008

Friday Fuck You; Outside Agitators

Again this week, I do not have a list of Fuck Yous. Instead I have one centralized topic I would like to address...a "tell 'em why you mad" moment, if you will. More and more I am being asked the question "when are you getting married?" It makes my skin crawl.

I want to qualify this by mentioning that the question comes in many forms from sincerity to vulgarity. I've heard everything from "Is he ever gonna put a ring on your finger?" to "wow DD! Three years is a long time for you. I remember when dudes didn't last three months! He must be special, whens the wedding?"

Now obviously the latter is not the problem. That's a sincere question from a friend who has been by my side through the dating blunders. This comes from the friend, cousin, brother from another mother, who could write my tell all book.

It is the first heffa, the one whose inappropriateness makes me want to tell her about herself and literally break it down brick by brick. To her I would like to say...

Fuck You. There are only two people in my relationship, myself and KB.

Wait...I want to reiterate that. I might not have been clear the first time. Eh ehem (clear my throat so I can make sure we all understand)!

FUCK YOU. There are only two people in my relationship, myself and KB.
That conversation is reserved for members only. Together we will decide when the time is right for us. We will choose a date, a time, a theme and color scheme, a menu, and a guest list (gasp) without your insight or approval.

Nothing about an engagement or wedding involves the outside agitator. There is a reason for that. The day after the wedding is what? The MARRIAGE...and guess who just promised to love honor and obey (note to self; we may have to omit that obey shit) in that marriage? You guess it, those TWO people.

Whether we marry tomorrow, Tuesday, two years from now, or never, that is a decision that will only impact us. In the event that you receive an invitation to a wedding with our gubment names at the top left...surprise! That will give you the when and the where. Until then let's adapt that military policy "Don't Ask Don't Tell".

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Investing for Dummies;The 401-Keg

Through a forwarded email, I think I may have found the secret to investing in today's market. Like to here it, her it go.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today. But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

Lovies, go forth and party hard!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

A Few Follow Ups

Hey Lovies!

I realized this morning that I tend to rant a lot. Ok well, no, I am not JUST realizing that. But what I mean is I write about all my frustrations, curiosities, etc and never really give you guys an update.

I know you guys are wondering...what did I wear to that wedding? have I cursed out the benefits team at work yet? did I stop buying the 100 Calorie packs? have KB and I broken up for good? how do I feel about the way Barack is portrayed in the media now?

I will dedicate today's post to all those questions. It's like catching up with an old friend. Or worst case scenario, like one of those Maury "where are they now?" episodes.

In Being That Girl I was debating whether or not to return a dress that hugged my thighs a bit too closely. I did end up returning the dress. Couldn't bear with the constant reminder that I am too curvy for most of today's chic feminine looks.

What ever happened to Preserving My Sexy? Damned if I know, lol. I still care, still want the same things...just. haven't. been. motivated.

In Co-Worker vs Friend I wrote about the distinction between the two. Well, that was a while back and I am glad I keep the two separate. I work with some grimy individuals that will throw you under a bus even when their livelihood is not dependant on your fall from grace. Pathetic really.

I did wear the shoe from the Mean Shoe Game post. I held out for about 3 hours, before transitioning to flip flops. I was fierce though! FIERCE!

And as for Michelle and Barack. They are still my heroes and STILL grossly undervalued in America. A strong African American family should be praised not scrutinized.

Did I forget anything lovies? Or is there anything random you'd like to hear in future posts? As always I encourage you to comment.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Friday Fuck You-Healthcare

In this special edition of Friday Fuck You, I am going to focus on one issue where I'd like to proclaim my new Friday mantra.

Fuck You. I will STILL be seen at an outside health care facility.

Confused? Let me clarify. My daytime hustle is at a hospital in Boston (for obvious reasons the facility shall remain nameless). The way our health insurance works is that we pay deductibles- for day surgeries etc- if we are seen at any other facility. So when I had a cyst this past July, I was seen in house. They drained the cyst and sent me on my merry way, assuring me that I would be the picture of health in a few short days.

Now imagine my surprise this week Monday, when I started to feel a twinge of pain. Imagine the awe on Wednesday night when I couldn't sleep because the pain had become excruciating. Imagine the look of disgust on my face when I went to my pcp and was told that the cyst resurfaced and would have to be drained YET AGAIN.

Reluctantly, I took heed to her warning and saw a surgeon. The pain was so unbearable that I opted to do it at the same facility where I see my pcp. He told me without a doubt, it would continue to recur unless I have surgery to remove all the infected tissue. Essentially saying that I was lied to by the Resident at my place of employment (and something told me to write down that fool's name!) What the craze?

Can you quite grasp how insanely furious I am? All of the pain I have gone through this week could have very well been avoided if that simpleton informed me of this the first time around. I mean, I will have to be CUT OPEN A THIRD TIME IN THE SAME SPOT. Why wouldn't he have known that as a medical professional?

You feel me?

So while the recession requires me to remain employed there (yes I am that mad), I will no longer receive my health care there.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Am I the only one that noticed?

So I've mentioned before that I am a bit of a pop culture junkie. Oddly enoughI don't have very many friends who share my pop culture interests, which means I don't have very many people to share the things that make me say hmm with. Well lovies, that is where you come in. I figured I'd throw a few things out tell I the only one that noticed?

  • Who exactly is the audience for the Wu Tang documentary? Seriously, who is going to own that on dvd?
  • Did Jennifer Hudson really dump her longtime boyfriend for Punk from I Love New York?
  • Are Diddy and Ashton Kutcher still BFFs?
  • Will Terrance and Rocsi meet the same demise as Free and AJ?
  • How SPOT ON is Tina Fey's Sarah Palin impression?
  • What's with Brandy's eyelashes?
  • After 12 years, why am I only now hearing about this Urban World Film Festival? And next year can I be down?
  • How many singles from Papertrail has T.I. released? Is it safe to say we've pretty much heard all it has to offer?
  • Am I the only one who would like to be on Rev Run's Words of Wisdom emailing list?
  • Is Reggie Bush actually serious about Kim Kardashian? And are they officially more annoying than Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson? Think they hang out?
Feel free to chime in. If you have answers, let a sista know. If you have questions of your own throw then out there!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Is it over yet?

I have less than 4 hours remaining in one of the worst days I have had this year. Peeps, I know I can be dramatic but I swear I am staying up until midnight tonight just to see this day off! My goodness!

For starters I didn't sleep well. The health issue I have a few months back, seems to be returning and it makes for some sleepless nights. So naturally I woke up cranky...well KB woke me up which I thought everyone knew was a no-no. You do not wake me unless my life is in danger. You'd think after three years together (two of which in co-habitation) he'd know this. But no. His happy ass proceeded, hmph! Didn't even proceed with caution!

So naturally, I was more angry than usual. But did it stop there? NO!

The powers that be did not fail to test my patience! I am talking; a six hour fight with KB, issues at work, a package I ordered arrived with the wrong contents. Not stop bullshit yall! I cannot tell you how many times today I have said to myself "i have to blog about this". It is to the point that I am too drained to detail every story.

I did need to get it off my chest though. I am still mad! I need to woosah, just...just .... woosah!

Monday, September 29, 2008

The "skinny"in Skinny Jeans

Not only am I a blogger, I frequent a lot of the other blogs out there. My fav? The personal style ones; you know the trendy-wardrobe-on-a-budget/this-is-my-cute-outfit-and-this-is-where-I-bought-each-individual-item type.

In my recent blog surfing binges I noticed a bit of a pattern. The phrase "skinny jeans are for skinny girls" is a recurring theme among most-if not all. Now I adore my fellow fashionistas but I respectfully disagree. And it's not just me being sensitive; I have not been "skinny" in about 6 years but you best believe I rocks my curves! And I own a pair, as a matter of fact I just ordered another pair a few days ago.

See, I believe personal style is about fit and confidence. I have seen some daring outfits, but when something fits well and you are rockin it like no one just makes sense. So in that respect no, not every trend is for everyone. But looking good in skinny jeans is more about the looking good than the skinny.

I knew there would be haters when it came to this topic, so I did a little investigating. The video below schools us all (particularly us thick girls) on how to shop for the right pair. Take it away Toccara, girl!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Friday Fuck You

  1. Fuck You. I am not done celebrating. Yes I am still going out tonight, IN THE RAIN!
  2. Fuck You. I did cut my hair. Yes, it was long/thick/pretty/whatever compliment people pay you before they politely tell you what they really think of your new do. And now it is gone. It is my head...get over it!
  3. Fuck You. I am going to cut it again when I decide I am done with this hair cut!
  4. Fuck You. It is true, I am NEVER satisfied. That is why I continue to strive for better. Complacence is not in me, deal with it.
  5. Fuck You. It's true, "Boston girls do it better"
  6. Fuck You. Tyler Perry hates black women. Yeah, I said it! Even though the majority of his fortune came from the black woman's pocket he consistently portrays us in a negative light in his plays and movies.
  7. Fuck You. I am 28 and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Stretch Those Dollars

Now this is a far cry from a financial planning blog, but I felt I should address the topic anyway. The slump in the economy has hurt us all in some way shape or form. I've been getting a little nervous myself because KB and weren't exactly ballin' in the first place. IN my quest for some sound financial advice, I found the following tips I wanted to share with my readers. The entire article can be found here.

  1. Set up and start following a family household budget. Your budget should include all your major expenses (mortgage, car payments, credit card payments, etc).

  2. Go over your budget (aforementioned in step 1 above) and determine which of your non-essential activities you can either cut down on or eliminate.

  3. For one week keep track of every penny you spend during the day. The vast majority of Americans haven't a clue as to how much real money actually flows through their hands every month or how much control over their money they really have.

  4. Start your own campaign to use energy and resources more wisely. It's no longer about being green - now it's all about saving money! You can take a huge bite out of your electric bill by changing the way you use your air conditioner without really changing your lifestyle.

  5. Do everything possible to eliminate credit card debt as fast as possible. The average family has way too much and most people never fully realize how much it actually costs to use credit instead of paying cash.

  6. Become a coupon Queen (or King). Coupons are here again and you don't even have to clip them! You simply go to a site like , find the coupons you're interested in, print them out and take them with you when you go shopping.

Granted, this is just common sense for a few of you. But if it isn't and you truly are looking for a little guidance, I hope this information helps keep those dollars in your pockets.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Friday Fuck You

Yes, ladies and gents...this is the second installment of the Friday Fuck You. I know you guys were a lil shy last week but I expect to see some good ones from here on out. I cannot be the only one putting my grievances out there. I feel naked, lol

1. Fuck You. I am 28 today. And since fall starts on the 21st I am technically a summer baby!
2. Fuck You. Before I officially begin my work day, I must check my email and my blog reader. Who gets right to work at 8:30?
3. Fuck You. Hip Hop is dead. "Marco Polo" are we serious? Soldja Boy is the hip hop kryptonite!
4. Fuck You. Derwin and Melanie belong together and thank God The Game returns Oct. 3rd.
5. Fuck You. I am not the only one who is terrified by the idea of President McCain and Vice President Palin.
6. Fuck You. I still read Cosmo. And sometimes I try the tricks! *wink
7. Fuck You. You can take my entrepreneurial endeavors as a joke. Just don't ask me for a free book when you see everyone reading one of my releases.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Luxaholic:The Finer Things

Contrary to what my readers might believe...the finer things to me are not the things I purchase on my shopping binges. They aren't found in my Coach collection (although technically I didn't purchase any of those things myself), it's not any of the gadgets I own, not a single pair of the many shoes in my closet. The finer things to me are so much more simple.

The finer things are thoughtful. They are the little things that let you know someone was thinking of you. Like opening my mailbox after a hard day's work and finding a birthday card from a co-worker. This is a girl, I know through my aunt. In fact I've only hung out with her twice outside the workplace. Yet she remembered I have a birthday coming. Beyond that she took the time to buy me a card and get a hold of my address. How amazing does that feel?

I am a Luxaholic but I don't impose my preference for those things on others. It really is the thought that counts...just a little something to say "hey, I was thinking about you". That's all I ever ask!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

I Love Your Blog!

I've been nominated for the "I love your blog" award! It feels good to be loved! Thank you Ms. S!!! Would an acceptance speech be a bit much? I would like to thank my family, KB, my friends, and the insane world I live in for being my inspiration to write. Of course, above all else, I'd like to thank God! Just kidding folks...but in all honesty it was an honor being nominated, lol

And now I shall pass the torch...

Now The Rules:
1. The nominated is allowed to put this picture on their blogs.
2. Link to the person who hearted you.
3. Nominate at least 7 other people and link to them.
4. Leave a message on those people's blog to make them aware that they're nominated.

I nominate:
1. Ms. S of course, her blog keeps me in stitches!
2. Islandista
3. Single Black Male
4. Sister Toldja
5. Kasmira
6. The Cheap Chica
7. Cheap Thrills-Boston