Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The First Hurdle

Remember when Sisqo went solo (I swear I am going somewhere with this)? He had a song called Is Love Enough? And even though it has only been 24 full hours since I committed to trying to love KB better, I find myself wondering is love enough? Is it?

I know y'all are like "Dang, this heffa gave up already?!" Well, no I haven't given up per se...I am just trying to be emotionally aware of the affect this commitment will have on me. I've been making a conscience effort to try to be more like Beyonce 'n dem, in Cater 2 U. The mannerisms and behaviors of a catering woman are not inherent in me. These are learned behaviors.

IN learning, I've been very introspective. So when I notice that I have to make a conscious effort to smile while I serve his dinner or iron his clothes, it's a red flag.

Maybe it is my need for instant gratification. There needs to see some level of sincere gratitude. I understand completely that having a "traditional" woman is desired; a man wants the kind of wife who serves him his dinner on a piping hot plate, clears the dishes, lights a candle, and then rocks his world. I get that. Hell I might even date a woman, if I could have that!

But let it be known that we (myself and 95% of the women I know) are not like that. We work just as hard, and need just as much respect. So when I am making a significant effort to be more representative of that image, I deserve a thank you. I deserve a rose every once in a while. I deserve reciprocity. And I do not think I can wait however long it will take for him to acknowledge that I am doing what does not come naturally to me, to make him happy. I am not going to get that if he is viewing it has me "finally" coming to terms with the role I am supposed to take as the woman of the house.

I can't give up, though. Once I give up on trying, I give up completely. I already had one foot out the door and if THIS doesn't work, the other will soon follow. More than anything, I want to see if this change will make a difference. I just don't want to get to the finish line and have done all that I can, and get absolutely nothing in return.

1 comment:

Ms. S said...

I stopped reading for a second at "And I do not think I can wait however long it will take for him to acknowledge that I am doing what does not come naturally to me, to make him happy." Isn't that the point of the book (and the experiment?) To learn what may not come naturally for you to do but naturally he expects (or desires)?

Okay... back to reading...

Yes! Keep on trying. Remember that email convo we had (you, me and my sis) about being a traditional woman? And you were so suprised that me of all independent women would be open to it? I just think we have been soo conditioned to not consider that as an option that it is hard to step outside our comfort zone.

So, do not give up! Give it a few weeks. At first KB will probably think you're just "being nice," but then he'll realize that you are making a change for the better and hopefully will reciprocate actions in return.

Keep us posted!