Tuesday, December 23, 2008

If It Isn't Love

(No that is not a plug for my book...glad it's in your thoughts though. Coming soon I promise!)

Call me a Bostonian but I think New Edition hit the nail on the head with that one. For those who lived under a rock in the late 80's the song I am referring to has a line that says "If it isn't love, why does it hurt so bad...make me feel so sad inside".

Before I go any further, I would like to put my disclaimer out there. Early! For reader clarity, I do not mean emotional, physical, or verbal abuse. I am referring to sibling rivalry, the rough patch in an otherwise heaven sent union, teen angst, and the like.

Why does love hurt? Not only the act of loving those we are are committed to, sometimes loving family and friends can be strenuous. We grow weary, we pull away, but eventually we go right back. Why? Love is such a powerful emotion that pain will inevitably be associated with it's adversary...hurt. I guess, Newton's Law applies to emotion too; for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction.

Think about it. Do we care as much if it isn't love? Of course not. Think back to your most recent argument, fight, the last time you shed tears and retrieve the hurt feelings. Omit the loved one and replace it with someone you have no feelings for...does the situation pan out the same way? Do you feel the same frustration?

This time recall the perfect place, the perfect time, and most loving experience. Remember this isn't just about your boyfriend or girlfriend so don't get all freaky. The impromptu snowball fight with friends, the time you and your brother beat your mother at scrabble...those times. If you replaced that loved one with (again) someone you have no feelings for, is the memory as meaningful?

If it isn't love, no it doesn't hurt as bad...but it also doesn't feel as good. And I, for one, am willing to sacrifice a few heartaches for some good quality experiences.

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