Friday, November 28, 2008

The Five Love Languages

***admin note. It seems wrong to follow a post about praise, thanks, and rejoicing with an f* you so I am keeping the spirit of love through the weekend (at the very least).

KB and I have (more than) a few fundamental differences. As a man from the islands, he is traditional in his view of a woman's role. I, personally, think that barefoot and pregnant look is so outdated! But I digress...

After doing a lil "are we doomed" google search I came across an article by Gary Chapman. He suggests that each individual has a love language, a way that love is communicated to them. A couple who speaks two different love languages would share the same difficulty a person speaking in English to someone who only speaks Russian.

The Five Love Languages are;

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

In that brief article I determined that my love language was likely receiving gifts while KB's was almost certainly acts of service. I immediately decided to purchase Gary's book, which arrived Wednesday night. I went straight to the chapter on what I perceived to be my own love language and I was FLOORED. It was like the man knew me personally!

I encourage you all to pick it up; borrow it from the library, flip through it at a bookstore, do whatever. I promise you, it is going to change outlook on your relationships. Not just with significant others, with close friends, family members, everyone near and dear to you.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

to all my readers!

Today is a day that we can look back at 2008 and just be grateful for what we do have. If on no other day, TODAY, we can give thanks for what we have achieved, and rejoice in all there is to look forward to.

Let's put things into perspective. One of my favorite gospel songs says;
I've had some good days
I've had some hills to climb
I've had some weary days
And some sleepless nights
But when I look around
And I think things over
All of my good days
Out-weigh my bad days
I won't complain

My wish for you all is that on this day, in spite of everything your good days out weigh you bad. Happy Holidays readers, my gift to you is John Legend singing that very song! Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Love ya!

Monday, November 24, 2008

10 Days

that changed my life forever...

I read a post by Running Mom that led to me doing a little soul searching. Initially, I could only come up with one. The one that I mention all the time because it really did change the course of my life. But I know that as monumental as the birth of my brother is, it isn't the only significant day in my 28 years.

Then I realized that I was just plain scared to look back. In the way that a scar reminds you of a time when you were in pain, the way that a fragrance reminds you of an old love; thinking about those things would undoubtedly make me rehash those feelings.

I had to remind myself that significant does not equate painful. And cowering is far worse than rehashing. I hope my honesty will inspire others in the way Running Mom's inspired me. In chronological order of events, I present my cheers, tears, and jeers;

1. The 1st birthday of Dorchester's Daughters lil bro. It was literally the exact moment in my life that I realized the world did not revolve around me. I remember every emotion I felt as a six year old kid on the outside of everything looking in. My memory may be slightly distorted but I don't even think anyone came said hi to me, don't remember being fed. Nothing but the complete loneliness of no longer being adored. It sounds vein, I know it does. But to go from the world is your oyster to not even being an after thought at such a young age?...that is a bitter pill to swallow.

2.The day my mom kicked me out of the house. To understand the magnitude of this you need to understand that I was not an unruly teenager. I was 18 years old, had just graduated high school and was about to start a new job. I was saving money to go off to college in a few short months. I had had a good (not great) report cards, I had always done what I was told. The adventures in my teenage years were that of any average teen. So when I returned home from spending the weekend at my friend's house to find my belongings packed, it was nothing short of alarming. And to make matters worse, she'd moved all my brother's things into my room. There was no explanation, no accusations, nothing. Just "you don't live here anymore, nobody wants you here".

3. Bradford College closing. I was a freshman. I had no idea what I wanted to be or where my life was headed since I was estranged from my mother. The day before we left for Thanksgiving break they invited the entire campus to the theater to announce that the college was closing. To say I was heartbroken would be an understatement. No home, no school, no nothing. I could not fathom anyone's luck being worse than my own. In fact, I apologized to my friends and told them it was my fault. I said this is something that would only happen to me and I had hurt them all in the process.

4. Returning to/graduating from a 4 year college. After Bradford closed I was lost. I'd applied for transfers to a few different schools but honestly had no intention of going back. But, with the encouragement of an old high school teacher, I took a semester off to clear my thoughts and gave college another try. In 2004 , I crossed the stage wearing the biggest grin my face had seen in years. It was about more than the degree; it was my first real feeling of accomplishment, and a true sense of triumph over adversity.

5. The day I met KB. Whether we are together forever or it ends tomorrow, this relationship has been the biggest challenge of dating life. I have had a series of superficial experiences with men. There has been no depth, no real sense of commitment until now. It is an existence that has forced me to look at myself and examine who I am and the kind of girlfriend, wife, and mother I want to be.

6. The loss of my baby. I cannot expound at this time, this is still a very open wound for me but I hope to be able to talk about it openly one day.

7. "Breaking up" with a friend. Ironically, this was a friend who I'd kept at bay for various reasons. We met in college and though we shared some great times together, something in me never fully trusted this girl. We remaned fairly close for 5 years and one day she lost her ever-loving mind. I won't go into detail. Let's just say she came out of her face and ties were severed. My outlook on instinct is forever changed because of this relationship. Never second guess a gut feeling.

8. The last time I saw my father. After my parents broke up my father became a part time figure in the lives of my brother and I. I'd always felt closer to him than my mom, even though over the years, he'd put in less and less quality time. The very last time we saw him, we'd heard that he'd had a stroke and was/is very sick. We went to visit him a few days later. Seeing the man that had so many comings and goings in my life morphed into a man who needed help to hold a spoon, broke something in me.

9. The day I decided to actively pursue publishing. Not only will publishing bring my writing to the forefront, but it will highlight the writing of my peers.

10. Today. Admitting the impact of these moments has given me an amorous outlook on my life. These are the moments make me.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Friday Fuck You; Writer's Block

The Friday Fuck You has returned after a one week hiatus!

As I mentioned, I have hit a little bit of a road block with my writing. I have very little inspiration to write about anything these days. Even though I have ideas, I just can't seem to get them out...and that leads to lulls in posts. I promised my readers three posts per week and sometimes I can't even think of three sentences. But my promises, like the circle, will be unbroken!

Fuck You. Writer's Block can kick rocks with jellies on!

I am going to bang out three per week even if I gotta ramble about people who annoy me at work, lol. Believe me, I have enough of those stories to get me through all of 09! Stay tuned!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

It Was All a Dream

Ever since I was a kid, I have had recurring dreams. These vivid stories vary in the onset of the dream sequence but take on the same ending. As a kid, the ending was always hearing the doorbell walking to it and just as I was about to open it I was viciously attacked.

In my adolescence (and even sometimes now) the ending would harp on my fears of water and have me walk over a bridge suspended above a big body of water. I always make it to the other side but literally by the skin of my teeth (why do people say that?).

My most recent recurring dream is almost a nightmare. Just as scary as the other two but with a serene aura about it;

It always starts out at a family gathering in a park. Sort of like the part of Poetic Justice where they crash a family reunion. I take this baby across the street to do something (this part usually varies); and when we get across the street it starts raining. I take her and stand under a tree. While I am sheltering her, there is an earthquake. I hold her closer to me because there is disaster around us. Things are falling on people, they are falling. All kinds of mess. She is very calm through the whole thing. A guy gets hurt in front of us and I try to distract him by talking to him as he lays and waits for help. He asks the baby's name and I tell him "Angelica", he says it means "angel" in his language (appears to be Italian or something) and that she is protecting me from the pain. Then he gets washed away in the floods from the rain and earthquakes.

The verdict is still out on what it all means. I have taken a few cues from a dream interpretation site that I use frequently. See the analysis below;

To dream of an earthquake, suggests that you are experiencing a major "shake-up" that is threatening your stability and foundation. The dream highlights you insecurity, fears and sense of helplessness. If you find cover from the quake, you will overcome these challenges.

To dream that you get wet from the rain, signifies that you will soon be cleansed from your troubles and problems. Rain also symbolizes fertility and renewal.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

If You Liked It Then You Shoulda Put A Ring On It

That's what I was singing, Sunday afternoon while I doing the prep work for dinner that evening. KB looked at my curiously for a few minutes before mustering the nerve to finally ask "why do you like that song so much?".

I had no answer. None that I could explain to him anyway!

The source of his curiosity was obvious. I have no ring on my finger, I am not technically single. He is obviously wondering why I figure I can relate. After all, any song a girl sings with such vigor...she can surely relate.

And I do. I, like thousands of other women, relish in the thought of flaunting my new ish in an old flame's face. We need to be able to prove we can survive without you, prove that we can be happier without you than we ever were with you. Whether it be a better body, a new swag, or in my case the replacement who I am halfway down the aisle with. So, no, there's no ring on it, but the sentiment is still there;

"You had your turn

but now you gonna learn

what it really feels to miss me.

Cuz If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

Don’t be mad once you see that he want it"

Simple as that! All my single ladies, put your hands up!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Man Listen....

Guys I have no excuse. There was no F-You for Friday, no weekend anecdotal, nothing I've noticed. I got nothing folks. I am coming down off my Obama high and reality bites. What more can I say?


I still love ya though. Stay tuned. I promise I'll come back fresh. I am in the midst of reading Dreams of My the time I am done, I'll have all kinds of inspiration.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Friday Fuck You; Immune Difficiency

I've been sick. I had something in close proximity to the flu (though I had my flu shot) last week. Hence the late Friday post. I know, I missed me.

In order to fight off the bug, I tried something a little different. Instead of taking cold medicine, I purchased vitamins that are known for boosting the immune system. I've been pumping my body full of Vitamin C, Cod Liver Oil, and Green Tea supplements. I figured rather than medicate the problem, I could just as easily strengthen the system that fights these viruses in the first place...hoping that will prevent it from happening again anytime soon. I gotta tell ya, with the supplements it's been a lot easier. It's been less than five days and most of my symptoms are gone.

I literally feel stronger; and it got me to thinking. This feeling. This strength, is what the Obama presidency has given us. Yes, I did go there!

Fuck You. I am immune to "the man"!

It is not because our president is minority that we are encouraged. It is because he is capable, because he is intelligent, because he has the potential to do great things. It was not a Affirmative Action, not a handout, not luck, not consolation that helped him win the election. It was his optimism, integrity, strength, and determination. And it didn't hurt that his immune system is strong. Stronger than many of his minority counterparts, because unlike him we have grown accustomed to standing in our own way.

There are implications that somehow the Obama win has erased racism in America. It hasn't. America is, and frankly always will be, a divided country. The new president cannot change that, just as he cannot change the damage that has already been done. What his win means is more accurately defined as is a boost in our immune system. There will continue to be prejudices, injustice, discrimination, and a host of other barriers. But we can fight that off! Because of what Barack has accomplished, we can break through those barriers, jump over those hurdles, and see past those obstacles. Yes the bar is set twice as high, but we can climb three times as far. Yes, we can.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Yes We Can

I give credit to any writer who can formulate the words that describe how monumental today is. I have been searching for the right ones since last night (and I am rarely speechless).

Throughout this campaign I have heard "Yes We Can" so many times; and tiny voice deep down in my spirit that asked the question "Can we?" in response. I didn't believe it with a whole heart.

I hadn't ever dreamed that big, aspired that far. But he did.

I remember being in elementary school and getting that ruler. Remember? The one that had all the presidents on it? I'd look at it every time I used it, and not once did it occur to me that any other face could join the elite group. Never even crossed my mind. But he thought about it.

I remember the jokes about Bill Clinton being the first black president. I thought he'd be the only. But he didn't.

For him possibilities were endless, because he never set boundaries as to how far he could go. There was no finish line in his eyes. That is what made the difference. That is how he earned the title, President Elect Barack Obama.

Now every single minority in America can dream a little bigger. Strive a little further. It's almost like being given a key to a door that has been locked for hundreds of years, an age old secret revealed, a missing puzzle piece. It is all of that- and more- encompassed by three simple words. Yes. We. Can.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Everybody Has a Story

I watched an Oprah episode years ago that still resonates with my heart. It was about the assumptions we make about people and how we are often wrong in our prejudgment. Everyone one has a story; you can not judge a book by it's cover because you will almost always be wrong about its content.

Though the episode was enlightening, being human I still make that mistake. I say things like "That's just [insert name of friend whose behavior is typical of them] and never second guess what causes them to be that way. But everytime the true reveals itself, my heart sinks and I am reminded that this person I dismissed is the way he/she is for a real reason.

I have a friend who has always been eccentric. We've always loved this person for their quirks but would dismiss their behavior as though it was in their nature. Recently, I found out it is deeper than that; this behavior is more biological than characteristic. I have been grieving for a few days now, because I am guilt-ridden. For everytime I laughed at a joke that poked fun, for everytime I shook my head, rolled my eyes, or sighed, for everytime I was impatient; I am deeply sorry. I am even a bit ashamed.

It all makes sense now. And, ironically, it shouldn't have to. Learning that someone has a troubled past or a mental disorder does not excuse YOUR behavior. Whether or not that detail was disclosed, that person should not have been mistreated in the first place. As a person, one should accept and love others without regard to perception.

I thought I learned a lot from the episode of Oprah. Maybe I did not learn enough.