Friday, October 31, 2008

Friday Fuck You-Denial

Yes, Denial. I am so sick and damn tired of people who refused to acknowledge defeat. I am all for resilience but sometimes you just have to claim your loses. Suck it up, move on, LET. IT. GO.

Fuck You, Denial. When it's over, it's over.

Early Tuesday morning I was watching the news as I prepared for my workday. The headlining story was about Diane Wilkerson, the State Senator for the region of Boston I grew up in. Why did she make the news this time? Sure as hell wasn't her re-election campaign! It appears she allegedly accepted eight bribes worth just over $23k in an undercover FBI operation. There are pictures plastering the television and Internet of this woman BODLY taking what appears to be cash incentives into her possession. One series in particular depicting her placing something into her bra. All photos were taken at a restaurant directly across the street from the State House (i.e. her job)

As the story unfolds, I have decided I will remain diplomatic. I am not going to make any assumptions or any conclusions. These are images I have seen via tv and Internet. I listened to her side of things on the radio this morning (or what she is allowed to say) and she confident that the truth will come to light. I was not there, I cannot account for anyone's actions but my own. I will say this though, it IS time to let go. Whether or not it is what it appears to be, one thing is clear. She has been backed into a corner, and will not accept defeat. She is trying to come back from a TKO right now.

In short, she is fighting a losing battle and denial is not going to help her win. Hold your head high, laugh it off, do what you have to to restore your pride. But please! Please let it go

Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Kabalarian Philosophy

What's in a name? For those who study Kabala a name is directly connected to who you are as an individual. To quote their view on the significance;

Your name is extremely important. Your name is your life!
It is how you identify yourself.
It is how others identify you.
The more insight you have into the powerful influence of your name,
the greater opportunity to enjoy the success you are capable of achieving.
This web site will show you there is more to names and their meanings.

I learned that my own first name says this about me;
  • Your first name has given you inspirational, idealistic, and dramatic qualities.
  • You have a clever, deep mind and the talent to excel in highly inspirational lines of endeavor as a dramatist, musician, writer, or artist.
  • You can be lifted by beauty in all forms and are at the most creative when inspired.
  • Your expressive, affectionate nature responds quickly through your feelings, but you must guard against being possessive and jealous.
Now I realize very few of you actually know me, but that is ME! To find out what your own name says about you click here

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Imposter Syndrome-Part Deux

In a previous post, I discovered that I might be suffering from Imposter Syndrome. Since then I have tried to maintain an accurate assessment of my strengths and short comings.

Until today.

Today was my slightly overdue performance appraisal at work. I've been employed here just over a year so essentially I knew it was coming. What I did not foresee was the flattery parade. My supervisor has already discussed my weakness with me (double checking my work- as I am sure the reader's have noticed in my grammatical errors), so the meeting ended up being about all my strong suits. In a nutshell he told me that it is obvious that what I am doing is not something I should be doing long term. In fact, he said that if I am still in this position a year from now he will fire me. Yes, those were his words..."I will fire you". Ouch!

Naturally, I was taken aback by all this praise. These are not the kind of things I hear about me on a daily basis. What it made me realize more than anything is that I have a tendency to sell myself short. Imposter Syndrome or not, I should be reminded that I am a phenomenal woman. And my supervisor shouldn't be the one to remind me...I should!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Return to the Scene of the Crime

...that crime being sexual harassment.

When I started my job over a little over a year ago, the others decided to dump the task of going to the mailroom on me. I was the little guy on the totum pole so I didn't mind a little rookie hazing. What I did mind was the octogenarian in the male room who was inappropriately huggy!

I am not a naive woman; I know I have two rather large distractions on my upper torso. I fully expect that people (male and female-gay and straight) will seldom look me in the eye when they are speaking to me. But homeboy is a perve-albeit it a SpEd, senior citizen, perve- a perve no less. He'd do this not-so-subtle hug where he'd get me from the side and stares down at them. And he's a tiny thing, only up to my damn nostrils, the twins are at eye level. I am getting the chills thinking about it.

I was always uncomfortable asking the other girls if they'd noticed it...if they'd felt violated. I couldn't even form the words. But I felt that something must have caused them to pass the job off so quickly.

After I got my promotion, the task went to the new rookie. He was male so passing along the job didn't bother me. Fast forward through a faulty economy, a bit of organizational downsizing, and a hiring freeze and it becomes my job to make the mail run. Yet again.

I tip-toed down there quieter than a church mouse. Don't you know his sneaky pervy self caught me JUST as I was about to make my escape?! Holding one final piece of our department's mail. I tried to take it out of his hand while keeping a respectable difference...but NO!...maneuvered himself right next to the breast. He's a slippery one, slick as hell for a geezer!

Yall, I have no idea what to do. He is old, so I can't cuff him one. I really don't want to complain because again..he is old. If you are in your 80's and still working obviously you need an income-especially in this economy. The problem is, with a hiring freeze, there won't be anyone to take over any time soon. I'd be subjecting myself to his pervy ways until further notice. Can't do it. Cannot.

Should I talk to Employee Relations?

Friday, October 24, 2008

Friday Fuck You; Insomnia

For years I have had problems getting a full night's sleep. On a good night I sleep four consecutive hours, wake up, and nap periodically until it is finally time to get up. Yes, a good night. Any other time I sleep three to four hours and wake up. There's no napping, just a lot of late night programming on tv. They say "the freaks come out at night" for a reason. Late night tv is CRAZY

But I digress. I hadn't realized it was unnatural until recently when oh-wise-one himself (KB, for those who have not yet caught on to the fact that my boyfriend is somehow an expert on everything) declared me as an insomniac. Either way, what is important is that I need sleep. ASAP.

To Insomnia I say; Fuck You. Nighty night, I will sleep tight!

I spent a few minutes online researching natural remedies for insomnia. I refuse to take medication for this because the horror stories are far worse than a lil lack of sleep. Because I love you guys-my poor sleepless lovies- I've listed some of those natural remedies below;

  • Sleeping on your back relieves the pressure on your organs. It is easier to fall asleep and stay asleep.
  • Drink Chamomile tea
  • Do nothing stimulating right before bed; no listening to hardcore rap or rock. All that headbangin is not good for the weary. Also avoid foods and beverages with caffeine.
  • Try being more physically active during the day
  • Take a warm bath
  • (and my favorite) Have sex.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Seperate But Equal

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Maya Angelou

I have a vivid image of my grandmother branded in my conscious. The image of a woman who worked 8-12 hour days, came home, cooked, washed clothes, and kept her home. It was not because there was no husband, but because that husband had no role. He was neither the breadwinner nor the homemaker.

My grandmother supported her husband in every sense of the word*. And when you talk to her today she is tired...rightly so.

Maybe that picture is one of the many items, in my emotional baggage, that makes it such a heavy load. It is tied to feelings that have not yet been laid to rest; feelings of resentment I had toward my grandfather as a child. Resentment that today manifests itself in my own relationship. It is likely reason I give KB the side eye when he wakes up before me but asks me to help him get ready for the day, preparing his clothes and lunch. Or the source of my wrinkled brow when he digs into a laundry bag full of clean clothes and asks "can you put these away"? It could be the cause of confusion when I am asked to prepare a dinner plate for the man who cooked the meal in the first place.

It's not that I cannot do these things or that I am unwilling to. It is the mere fact that it is expected of me - as it was expected of my grandmother- because I am (we are) female. If I were at home all day and my man was bringing home the all means I'd do it all with a smile. At the same token, I would think if he was home all day, he'd do the housework. I am not home all day. I work just like he works and when I come home, I expect the same things. Unfortunately, expectation without communication or action leads to nothing but sour faces.

I do not want to resent my man. My grandmother has had a long stressful journey in companionship, and that is a road I would rather not follow. All I ask is that at the end of the day, I can come home to a man who has put a separate but equal amount of work into running our household. I can work with compromise! What I cannot work with is a man who has been there for hours, at the kitchen table, waiting for dinner (i.e. the grandpas of the world). That is not a picture I wanted painted for our future little ones; after all, they will never forget how we made them feel.

*My grandfather had a work related injury that caused him to go on disability. He was not, however, disabled. He was physically able and could have gotten a desk job or helped out around the house.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Jockin My Fresh

DD, has been on a shopping hiatus for about 3 weeks now. Oh, you got jokes? I'll have you know, I have not walked to the Holy Grail that is Downtown Boston and bought a single solitary item in three damn weeks. I have been at my job 14 months and have yet to stop shopping three weeks straight. That there is an accomplishment folks!

But this isn't about that! In lieu of shopping I have challenged myself to putting together outfits that I have not worn yet. Pairing a shirt with a skirt and blazer combo that has not been done, etc. It has been going very well. In fact, KB ambushed me on Friday night because he could not get over how phenomenal your girl looked!

And it seems KB isn't the only one that noticed. A co-worker who sits in the cubical next to mine has taken serious notice. It started with a compliment here and there, then graduated to a "wow, that is so pretty, where'd you get it?". Now she is straight up bold with it... wants me to detail the retailer of each garment I am wearing!

Initially, it made for good conversation, Lord knows we had little in common before fashion came up. Eh ehem... now I am a bit concerned. I quit this thing cold turkey and I've enjoyed finding new ways to appreciate the things I already own. But I feel like the extra attention and constant retail talks are going to lead to shopping! It is almost as bad as discussing drink recipes with a recovering alcoholic; eventually it will lead to a barhopping.

I cannot go backwards! Is there a polite way to say 'stop jockin my fresh'?...Jay wasn't very polite when he said it: "I can't teach you my swagg. You can pay for school but you can't buy class"

Friday, October 17, 2008

It's Funny...

I tell my cousin to be careful of the words she speaks. When she says she is going to fall, she falls. When she says she thinks she is coming down with something, she is flu-stricken. Time and time again, I've told her to watch what she says...maybe I should take my own advice.

KB has a thing for these two women;
Now they are gorgeous, don't get me wrong. Two beautiful minority women! But because it is KB, I always got jokes. What do they have in common? They both have a lazy eye! It is too easy, I have to poke fun.

"why you pick the two only women in Hollywood with a lazy eye? Is that your thing? Not a big butt, not a coke bottle body, not long legs, you have a thing for a lady with a lazy eye". And I would go hard with it too.

So imagine the irony when I went to the eye doctor today and she explained to me why my left eye is so weak. Turns out I have Keratoconus, which she then went onto say is commonly known as a...yeah...a freakin lazy eye! WTH?!

I mean obviously it isn't as bad as it could be. I mean it is a lazy eye not a wandering eye. But how messed up is it that I have been chucklin for the past few years over this and it's true! He really does have a thing for a lazy eyed lady. Yall, if it wasn't me I'd think this is hysterical!

Ms. S, I tell you all the time, it is amazing what words can do.

Friday Fuck You; The Estranged

I gotta tell ya, I am digging the one fuck you per week. A detailed "fuck you" speaks volumes! As always you are welcome to add your own in the comments section.

By Roget's dictionary definition, to estrange means to destroy the affections of. Today, I want to address the estranged folks. Those who I am no longer in touch with because they have destroy all the affection I had for them in my heart. Be it a an ex, a former friend, colleague, or associate...the sentiment is the same;

Fuck You. I am better without you in my life. Bishop T.D. Jakes said "People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story "

With the release of the movie Secret Lives of Bees, I have a constant reminder of an estranged friend. A few years ago we read that very book together and it was an awesome story. I cannot wait to see this movie! But while I anticipate watching the vivid storyline unfold on the big screen, I am saddened by the reminder of that lost friendship.

Yes, I might be a lil nostalgic hear or there. But I honestly do not regret the demise of the friendship. I would not change a single thing about how or why it ended. I know crazy when I see it, and crazy was all up in her aura those last few months. I mean, calling me at 5:00 am on Saturday morning to ask me if I've been talking to her man on the phone. Mind you , lovies, this is a man who I have literally only said hi to the entire two years they dated. And let's not even revisit the 5:00 am Saturday morning call! Yeah, crazy.

As bittersweet as it may be, you've got to let go. And even if it means you are the only friend you have,-after they've destroyed your affections- you are the only friend you'll need. You are STILL better without them in your life.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

The Adventures of Robin Hood and Joe-The Plumber

Last night, Joe- The Plumber somehow became the poster child for the American Dream. He is a man just a few short steps away from entrepreneurship. And in a comparison of very different tax plans from our presidential candidates, Joe dream will either come to fruition of become a dream deferred.

The ultimate goal of every American is success. That is what my family-and millions of others- migrated to this country for. Joe, a plumber in Ohio, has taking the initial steps to realize his dream. He would like to own the plumbing company he has dedicated himself to for the past 10+ years. According to Senator McCain, under the McCain administration Joe can buy the plumbing business and live happily ever after. But McCain is adamant that under the Obama administration, Joe's dream will be stifled. Obama is playing Robin Hood, robbing the rich of $5 in taxes and giving it to those who make under $250K. Sadly, Joe will not be unable to afford to take over the business because of the tax increase in the Obama plan.

Let's dissect Obama's tax plan, shall we? If earnings above $250k will be taxed 39% (instead of 36%), and Joe-The Plumber makes $350k, he would pay $39k instead of $36k in taxes on that $100k. Essentially he's paying $3000 more per $100k that he makes above $250k. How is this going to prevent him from buying the business??

I started my own business this year. I will be the first to tell Joe-The Plumber...that extra $3k in taxes he is paying is the LEAST of his concerns. There are so many hoops and hurdles, it is exhausting. If all I had to do was give up $3k in taxes, I would have done this a long time ago. Is he serious?

There is sacrifice in pursuing the American Dream, Joe, McCain, and Republican America. That dream is realized for some people earlier than others, but it is important that it is at least a possibility in the mind's eye for all. So if taking 3% from one to give to another makes Obama Robin Hood himself...I'll go out and buy him that green outfit. He already has the ears!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Emailing While Distracted

Everyday KB and I email each other periodic randomness. There is no real purpose to our back and forth. It is not as though we are in need of a daily check in; Since his recent graduation we commute together in the morning and are home at a relatively decent hour each night. No matter the reason for it, the banter gets us through the work day. Sometimes we email each other naughty, er, I mean sweet nothings... others they are one liners from movies. We complain about co-workers, remind each other about chores and plans. You know, couple crap!

In person, KB can be a very, long winded(?) person. Ok, translation- the boy can CHAT! But via email, I have noticed that every once in a while, no matter what I've written, his response is "ok!". Even when the original message is not something that would require an ok for a response. As in "is the moon gonna fall out of the sky this evening?", "ok" unrelated. I should also mention that the ok is followed by a more logical response 10 or so minutes later.

At times I am offended, though I do not mention it. I figure he is busy and cannot respond accordingly just yet. (I personally would just omit the "ok" and wait until I can commit to a complete sentence but hey...that's just me).

Today I decided to test the theory. Is he emailing while distracted?

From: Dorchester's Daughter [] Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:25 PMTo: KB
Subject: Get in My Belly

can we get beef fried rice for dinner?

-----Original Message-----From: KB []Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:22 PMTo: Dorchester's Daughter
Subject: RE: Get in My Belly


From: Dorchester's Daughter [] Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:30 PMTo: KB
Subject: RE: Get in My Belly

can I jump off the balcony at home?
-----Original Message-----From: KB []Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:34 PMTo: Dorchester's Daughter
Subject: RE: Get In My Belly

No! Are you goin crazy?

From: Dorchester's Daughter[] Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:37 PMTo: KB
Subject: RE: Get in My Belly

no, I just wanted to see if you actually read what I write or just tell me "ok"

-----Original Message-----From: KB []Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2008 3:42 PMTo: Dorchester's Daughter
Subject: RE: Get in My Belly

You don’t have nothing named sense in your head! crazy girl lol

Friday, October 10, 2008

Friday Fuck You; Outside Agitators

Again this week, I do not have a list of Fuck Yous. Instead I have one centralized topic I would like to address...a "tell 'em why you mad" moment, if you will. More and more I am being asked the question "when are you getting married?" It makes my skin crawl.

I want to qualify this by mentioning that the question comes in many forms from sincerity to vulgarity. I've heard everything from "Is he ever gonna put a ring on your finger?" to "wow DD! Three years is a long time for you. I remember when dudes didn't last three months! He must be special, whens the wedding?"

Now obviously the latter is not the problem. That's a sincere question from a friend who has been by my side through the dating blunders. This comes from the friend, cousin, brother from another mother, who could write my tell all book.

It is the first heffa, the one whose inappropriateness makes me want to tell her about herself and literally break it down brick by brick. To her I would like to say...

Fuck You. There are only two people in my relationship, myself and KB.

Wait...I want to reiterate that. I might not have been clear the first time. Eh ehem (clear my throat so I can make sure we all understand)!

FUCK YOU. There are only two people in my relationship, myself and KB.
That conversation is reserved for members only. Together we will decide when the time is right for us. We will choose a date, a time, a theme and color scheme, a menu, and a guest list (gasp) without your insight or approval.

Nothing about an engagement or wedding involves the outside agitator. There is a reason for that. The day after the wedding is what? The MARRIAGE...and guess who just promised to love honor and obey (note to self; we may have to omit that obey shit) in that marriage? You guess it, those TWO people.

Whether we marry tomorrow, Tuesday, two years from now, or never, that is a decision that will only impact us. In the event that you receive an invitation to a wedding with our gubment names at the top left...surprise! That will give you the when and the where. Until then let's adapt that military policy "Don't Ask Don't Tell".

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Investing for Dummies;The 401-Keg

Through a forwarded email, I think I may have found the secret to investing in today's market. Like to here it, her it go.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today. But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

Lovies, go forth and party hard!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

A Few Follow Ups

Hey Lovies!

I realized this morning that I tend to rant a lot. Ok well, no, I am not JUST realizing that. But what I mean is I write about all my frustrations, curiosities, etc and never really give you guys an update.

I know you guys are wondering...what did I wear to that wedding? have I cursed out the benefits team at work yet? did I stop buying the 100 Calorie packs? have KB and I broken up for good? how do I feel about the way Barack is portrayed in the media now?

I will dedicate today's post to all those questions. It's like catching up with an old friend. Or worst case scenario, like one of those Maury "where are they now?" episodes.

In Being That Girl I was debating whether or not to return a dress that hugged my thighs a bit too closely. I did end up returning the dress. Couldn't bear with the constant reminder that I am too curvy for most of today's chic feminine looks.

What ever happened to Preserving My Sexy? Damned if I know, lol. I still care, still want the same things...just. haven't. been. motivated.

In Co-Worker vs Friend I wrote about the distinction between the two. Well, that was a while back and I am glad I keep the two separate. I work with some grimy individuals that will throw you under a bus even when their livelihood is not dependant on your fall from grace. Pathetic really.

I did wear the shoe from the Mean Shoe Game post. I held out for about 3 hours, before transitioning to flip flops. I was fierce though! FIERCE!

And as for Michelle and Barack. They are still my heroes and STILL grossly undervalued in America. A strong African American family should be praised not scrutinized.

Did I forget anything lovies? Or is there anything random you'd like to hear in future posts? As always I encourage you to comment.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Friday Fuck You-Healthcare

In this special edition of Friday Fuck You, I am going to focus on one issue where I'd like to proclaim my new Friday mantra.

Fuck You. I will STILL be seen at an outside health care facility.

Confused? Let me clarify. My daytime hustle is at a hospital in Boston (for obvious reasons the facility shall remain nameless). The way our health insurance works is that we pay deductibles- for day surgeries etc- if we are seen at any other facility. So when I had a cyst this past July, I was seen in house. They drained the cyst and sent me on my merry way, assuring me that I would be the picture of health in a few short days.

Now imagine my surprise this week Monday, when I started to feel a twinge of pain. Imagine the awe on Wednesday night when I couldn't sleep because the pain had become excruciating. Imagine the look of disgust on my face when I went to my pcp and was told that the cyst resurfaced and would have to be drained YET AGAIN.

Reluctantly, I took heed to her warning and saw a surgeon. The pain was so unbearable that I opted to do it at the same facility where I see my pcp. He told me without a doubt, it would continue to recur unless I have surgery to remove all the infected tissue. Essentially saying that I was lied to by the Resident at my place of employment (and something told me to write down that fool's name!) What the craze?

Can you quite grasp how insanely furious I am? All of the pain I have gone through this week could have very well been avoided if that simpleton informed me of this the first time around. I mean, I will have to be CUT OPEN A THIRD TIME IN THE SAME SPOT. Why wouldn't he have known that as a medical professional?

You feel me?

So while the recession requires me to remain employed there (yes I am that mad), I will no longer receive my health care there.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Am I the only one that noticed?

So I've mentioned before that I am a bit of a pop culture junkie. Oddly enoughI don't have very many friends who share my pop culture interests, which means I don't have very many people to share the things that make me say hmm with. Well lovies, that is where you come in. I figured I'd throw a few things out tell I the only one that noticed?

  • Who exactly is the audience for the Wu Tang documentary? Seriously, who is going to own that on dvd?
  • Did Jennifer Hudson really dump her longtime boyfriend for Punk from I Love New York?
  • Are Diddy and Ashton Kutcher still BFFs?
  • Will Terrance and Rocsi meet the same demise as Free and AJ?
  • How SPOT ON is Tina Fey's Sarah Palin impression?
  • What's with Brandy's eyelashes?
  • After 12 years, why am I only now hearing about this Urban World Film Festival? And next year can I be down?
  • How many singles from Papertrail has T.I. released? Is it safe to say we've pretty much heard all it has to offer?
  • Am I the only one who would like to be on Rev Run's Words of Wisdom emailing list?
  • Is Reggie Bush actually serious about Kim Kardashian? And are they officially more annoying than Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson? Think they hang out?
Feel free to chime in. If you have answers, let a sista know. If you have questions of your own throw then out there!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Is it over yet?

I have less than 4 hours remaining in one of the worst days I have had this year. Peeps, I know I can be dramatic but I swear I am staying up until midnight tonight just to see this day off! My goodness!

For starters I didn't sleep well. The health issue I have a few months back, seems to be returning and it makes for some sleepless nights. So naturally I woke up cranky...well KB woke me up which I thought everyone knew was a no-no. You do not wake me unless my life is in danger. You'd think after three years together (two of which in co-habitation) he'd know this. But no. His happy ass proceeded, hmph! Didn't even proceed with caution!

So naturally, I was more angry than usual. But did it stop there? NO!

The powers that be did not fail to test my patience! I am talking; a six hour fight with KB, issues at work, a package I ordered arrived with the wrong contents. Not stop bullshit yall! I cannot tell you how many times today I have said to myself "i have to blog about this". It is to the point that I am too drained to detail every story.

I did need to get it off my chest though. I am still mad! I need to woosah, just...just .... woosah!