Sunday, January 11, 2009


I do great deal of self reflection. That's no surprise right? But there are areas of my personal perception I hadn't touched. Never quite had the balls to go there. Ms. S and I challenged ourselves to go the distance and take time to dig deeper than we are comfortable going by completing a series of I statements. I was not completely ready to be that honest with myself.

Just as I struggled to find these right answers, I felt the same hesitation when sitting down to post them for everyone to see. But I realized it's about creating room for a growth; If I can't be real with yall then I am not being real with me.

so here I am....

I am: not easily broken
I hear: the my grandmother's regrets and wonder what mine will be when I am her age.
I regret: the decision to stay in MA for college
I always: worry
I long to: be a mother
I feel alone when: I have no connection to anyone there.
I hide: my hurt feelings in a place deep within. My pride would never allow me to be that vulnerable.
I drive: myself crazy trying to live up to my own expectations
I sing: like I actually have talent. I am THE best at ad libs
I dance: when I anticipate a good meal. I love food.
I write: the words I am afraid to say.
I play: the role of a wife without a ring on my finger
I miss: seeing my friends as often as I did when we were younger. The older I get the more precious our time together is to me.
I search: for the right words each time I post. I want to be as genuine as possible.
I say: some really hurtful things when I am pissed.
I feel: encouraged when I think about the future.
I dream: about the daughter I did not carry to term
I wonder: if I am doing what God has designed for me
I want: the kind of love stories are written about
I worry: about something just about everyday
I give what I can; even though I worry it is not enough
I fight: with KB more often than necessary. Two stubborn people in one relationship. (sigh)
I am: me.
I can't: stand a mess. There is no clarity in clutter.
I stay: even though sometimes I think we'd be better apart.
I will: not give up on my dreams.
I can: hold a grudge far too long.
I would: love to vacation in Dubai.
I might: not ever swallow my pride.
I like: when I can let my guard down.
I love: looking back at how far I've come.
I smile: whenever I see myself in the mirror.
I frown: when I get up to go to work in the morning.
I read: to escape what I see.
I work: hard.

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